


Out of All the Gin Joints In the Universe...

by OpenHeart_WickedMind



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Gen, Other, Reader-Insert, Self-Insert, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-01-23 20:36:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12516052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpenHeart_WickedMind/pseuds/OpenHeart_WickedMind
Summary: Not great at these damn summaries! Basically I've been dying to read a slow build Rick/Reader so I figured I'd write my own. There should be a bit of humor, some angst, and definitely some hair pulling over when you and Rick will finally get together.Some people like to stay put. You? You've always loved to travel. A few months here, a year there, grabbing bar tending gigs in between to pay for your next adventure. A decent life until you add in Rick - will he shake things up in the best way or will he just bring chaos (and heartbreak) into your mostly peaceful existence?Rick/Reader slow build I've had in mind for a while.





	1. Chapter 1

Another interview at a dive bar in Random City, USA. You knew the small suburb had a name but, outside of the well-known big cities in the States, all the little metros of densely packed strip malls and office parks seemed to blend together. What you did know is bars like this we're perfect for making some quick cash before moving on to your next destination. You were attractive enough that any dive bar was happy to have you and sly enough to woo the clientele away from their hard earned money without them feeling too bad when you didn't go home with them after closing time. You were thankful the owner of this particular bar, Pete, was enough of a gentleman to keep his hands to himself during your interview. He sipped the last of the sample drinks he had you whip up and nodded approvingly. 

“Alright. I'll give you a try.”

You smile, “thank you.”

“Listen, I've only got three rules. Be on time, don't fucking steal from me, and Rick Sanchez drinks for free.”

You laughed at that, “ Rick Sanchez drinks for free? What, is he like your co-owner or something?”

“Don't need questions, I just need you to say you'll obey the rules.”

“That all sounds fine to me.”

Pete nodded slowly and stood from the bar. “Okay then, come in tomorrow at six and I'll throw you to the wolves.”

“Not the first bar like this I've worked in, I can take care of myself.”

You followed Pete to the exit and he glanced at you as he opened the heavy wooden door, “fair enough.”

You stepped out onto the sidewalk, “See you tomorrow Pete.”

“Don't be late.” Pete said in a mocking tone that put you at ease. A manager with a sense of humor was always easier than a fucking hardass.

“Don't worry about that,” you thought about Pete's rules and the last one stuck out in your mind. “Hey, Pete?”

Pete stopped closing the door halfway, “yep?”

“How will I know who this Rick guy is?”

Pete laughed out loud, shaking his head, “ oh don't worry, you'll know.”

Pete shut the door and left you wondering about this Rick character. 

Don't worry, you'll know.

You shrugged and started walking towards the intersection where you parked you car. Probably a local drunk, nothing you hadn't seen before. Same nowhere bar, same nowhere town. Nothing ever changes.


	2. Chapter 2

Life had gotten into a steady rhythm in the months you started working for Pete. Nights at work and afternoon building whatever kind of life you could make in this town, sleep somewhere in between. After several weeks of looking you found a cluster of head shops and gastropubs on the outskirts of town, close enough to the highway to attract people headed to the capital an hour away. You'd had some interesting Tinder meetups, including one exciting night where Lindsay (you weren't really sure if that was her real name) showed you the only gay bar in town. More often than not you woke up in the afternoon, ate cereal while watching reruns via the Netflix password you'd gotten off your downstairs neighbors mail (leaving your mailbox unchecked for that long you're really just asking for someone to sneak a peek), and counted down the days where you'd saved enough money to leave this place. You were thinking of heading back to Costa Rica but you weren’t really sure yet…

“Hey tits for tips, I'm empty!”

You got out of your head and turned to the source of the rudeness. It was an older man with disheveled blue hair glaring at you while shaking an empty glass in your direction. He'd caught your eye as soon as he'd walked in; labcoat and stained pants didn't exactly blend in with the ripped t-shirts and flannel shirt crowd that usually hung out in the bar. You'd actually thought he was attractive until he opened his mouth. He'd taken real issue with the fact that you were the replacement for the last bartender, Chis, all while staring at your cleavage. 

“Watch your mouth asshole,” Doug, a retired firefighter and regular stood and stared down grumpy grandpa. As nice as the gesture was you didn't feel like breaking up another fight in the bar, you’re knuckles were still healing from last time.

“It's fine Doug.” 

The older man laughed wiping his mouth with his sleeve, “yeah bro, you're too *uurrpp* fat and old for her.”

Doug started forward and you held your hand out to stop him then you turned your gaze at grandpa, “okay buddy. You're cut off. You have one minute to leave before I throw you out.”

A loud belch filled the air before the man leaned on the bar, “you don't kn-know who I am?! I'm Rick *urrpp* Sanchez. I practically own this place and yo-you’re the biggest fucking buzzkill to happen to this bar.”

“You haven't spoken more than five words to me! Don't act like you know me.” You wanted to swallow the words as soon as they were out of your mouth. Your urge to defend yourself came with the realization that your interest in the older guy had been more than passing. From the moment he came into the bar you'd been intrigued, he seemed different from the other people you'd met in this town. Whether it had been sex or just good conversation you'd hoped this crazy eyed older man could shake things up in your life. But you drew the line at assholes. They had their own particular charm in and out of the bedroom. But you knew yourself and,ultimately, someone like that would lead to a broken heart. 

Rick let out a loud belch and reached around the bar to grab whatever bottle of closest to him.”Wh-whatever Mrs. Pancakes. I've got better things to do anyways.”

He backed away from the bar, pulled what looked like a TV remote out of his pocket, pointed it at the wall and fired. A gigantic swirling green vortex appeared and your jaw dropped. It seemed to be made of fog mixed with liquid, different hues of green reflected the glow that seemed to be coming from the center of the circle. Rick walked into the green light then he and the light vanished. Leaving you staring awestruck at the wall where it had been. Crazy green teleporting light. It was right out of a science fiction book. But this couldn't be real, could it? You looked around at the other patrons who seemed unfazed. What kind of fucking town was this where a man could shoot a green vortex out of a gun and the people around him just kept inhaling bar nuts like it was an everyday occurrence. 

“What the fuck?!” you put a hand on the bar to steady yourself. 

“Rick Sanchez stopped by, huh?”

You looked to your right to see Pete standing there wearing a shit eating grin, “I had the same face the first time I ran into him as well.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you weren't expecting this story to be 100% serious. Because, it's Rick and Morty - that's just not happening. Mole creatures running a around town - oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All editing is done myself so the mistakes are my own. Also writing Rick-style dialogue is harder than anticipated I did take some grammatical liberties to make it sound like our favorite scientist just FYI.
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and comments on the last chapter. It really inspired me to keep this party going.

The warm glow of a streetlight offered a brief pause from the early morning chill as you walked towards the 24 hour laundromat at the end of your block. A second wind fueled by pure rage had you out past midnight to do your least favorite chore in the world, promising yourself a solid sleep-in and a donut as a reward for acting like a somewhat-adult. Laundry needed to be done all week and you kept putting it off until you had no clean clothes left except for the worn out hospital scrubs you had on under your leather jacket. It’s not like you didn’t have an excuse though, Pete had been sick this week so that left you at the bar alone every night instead of splitting the shift with him. You let out a frustrated sigh into the cold air and adjusted the heavy mesh bag of clothes slung over your shoulder before pressing on.

Rick hadn’t come into the bar since his grand exit a few weeks ago. You’d prodded Pete about his background with Rick but the man would not budge, even after several samples of the new cocktails you wanted to add to the spring menu. It nagged at you until you realized you were acting like a teenager who couldn’t get their head out of their ass over jock-guy-what’s-his-name in fifth period. So you sucked it up, had a nice long masturbation session starring grumpy grandpa, and let it go. Like a big girl. Stuff like that just got in the way anyways. Only nine more months and you’d be on a plane bound for a backpacking adventure around Europe leaving this town and it’s frustratingly arousing inhabitant far behind. 

“Run, Morty, run!” A familiar voice broke through the quiet of the night followed by the sound of rushing footsteps. You looked behind you to see Rick running towards you with a panicked expression on his face. Running beside him was teenage boy who was shouting something to Rick you couldn’t quite understand.

“Rick?!” 

“Laundromat - run!” His hand gripped your arm as he came upon you and he pulled you forward with him. The sudden movement caused you to stumble forward and almost fall to the ground but you righted yourself with enough time to keep pace with the frantic duo.

“Rick, what is going…”

The sound of cracking rocks stopped you mid sentence and you turned to see the sidewalk several feet behind you fracture and and explode upawards. A terrible inhuman screeching sound filled the air and you looked away, fear causing your heart to beat faster than running ever could. The light from the laundromat looked like the gates of heaven as you rounded the corner. In just a few quick steps the three of you were safe amongst the humming machines and the tangy smell of cheap detergent. Rick released your arm as soon as you were through the doorway. A young couple doing their laundry together moved closer together as they eyed the three of you with suspicion from the back of the room. 

You threw your bag to the floor, trying to catch your breath, “what’s going on?” 

“Turn on the machines!” Rick shouted pointing at the oversized laundry machines lined neatly in the middle of the large room. You took out your few precious quarters and loaded up the machine closest to you. Rick used his effortless charm to berated the couple in the back to start up a few machines as well. Out of money, you looked up at him for direction. He hopped on the closest running machine, “sit down and shut up.”

That’s when you heard it, a muted rumble that seemed to be coming closer. The boy climbed onto a washing machine nearby and held out his hand to help you up. You gripped onto his sweaty palm and scrambled to sit on the washing machine. The streetlamp outside the door flickered for a moment before turning off before it erupting out of the ground and crashing to the sidewalk. A hole formed in the pavement where the light poll had been, gravel sinking into an unseen abyss and another of those hideous shrieks filled the night. Something started to emerge from the hole and your eyes went wide with fear as you took it in. It resembled a cross between a pig and a mole, eyes white and slick pink skin was covered with gray spots. The ground shook as the van-sized creature exited the hole and begin to look around. It’s breath fogged the windows as it pressed it’s snout to the glass. Your brain struggled to process what you were seeing as you held your breath, too frightened to move. Finally, the beast turned its head sharply and let out a cry, running across the street and into the night. Quiet hung in the air for a few moments before before the boy’s cracking voice broke it, “H-h-hi. I’m Morty. S-sorry about my grandpa.”

You turned to see the boy looking up at you, a faint flush on his cheeks. His eyes moved away from your face when you looked at him and began darting around the room.

“I’m (y/n). What the hell was that thing?”

“Uh, kind of a...mole person…” Morty nervously scratched the back of his head. 

“Mole person, M-morty!? *urrp* You’re lucky he didn’t hear you say that. You know they feel about the moles of Earth the way we feel about pigs - right? Jesus.”

You felt the shake of the machine beneath you and looked at the detergent dispenser across the room. “So you came in here to hide because the noise and smell or something?”

Morty beamed at you, “yeah, exactly. The machines should hide our sounds and the smell...well...we had a device to hide us from them but Rick dropped it.”

“I dropped it because SOMEBODY fucking ran into me, Morty.”

“Dude, can we get down now?” The guy from the random couple called out, his girlfriend hidden underneath the oversized sweatshirt he was wearing. 

“Yeah *urrp* you should be fine for now,” Rick jumped down and sauntered over to where you were. 

Most of your brain was in fight or flight mode, you’d just seen something you would’ve never believed existed. A part of you wanted to run screaming but but somehow the mundane task of doing your laundry lulled you into a sort of manageable state. Laundry was easy, laundry you could do - even if there was a mole monster running around the fucking town. You got down and assessed the state of your belongings. To add insult to injury your dollar store laundry bag had finally ripped, vomiting your clothing all over the off white tile floor. You dropped to you knees and started scooping your clothes into what remained of your bag. 

“Aw jeez, l-let me help you with that.” Morty knelt down beside you and grabbed handful of clothes, passing them to you. You looked down and saw one of your fancy date bras at the top of the stack, purple with black lace. From the expression on Morty’s face, he’d spotted it too. He dropped the clothes in your hands, “oh...um...uh…”

You took it from him with a sympathetic smile, it was obvious Morty wasn’t that experienced with the talking to girls thing, “Thanks, Morty, I think I’ve got this.”

“Yeah *urrp* leave her to it. Don’t know what you’ll find in there anyways.”

“Is your MO to just be an absolute asshole at every possible second?” You yelled up at Rick while shoving another handful of your clothing back in the bag.

“Yes,” Morty answered in a exhausted monotone. 

“Hey, if you want my grandson to root around in your dirty underwear *urrp* be my guest, I’m sure he’d get a kick out of it.”

“Aw - come on Rick! Let’s get out of here.”

“Wait underwear - oh shiiiit! That’s it!” Rick held out his hand and looked you dead in the eye, “give me your underwear.”

You stood up and backed away, tugging your laundry bag with you, “what the fuck?! No! Absolutely not! What is wrong with you?”

“It’s not,” Rick pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed in frustration, “ - ahhh, for fucks sakes. That little bald asshole you just saw breeds once e-*urrp*-very 10 years pheromones are literally toxic to it. So give me your underwear so I can synthesise and concentrate your pheromones to kill it. Or y-you can hold out and that thing can run a *urrp* around town for even longer.”

You looked out at the crater in the street where the thing had emerged. It could hurt people or at the very least cause a hell of a lot of property damage. You growled in frustration, “son of a bitch.” Kneeling to open up your bag you looked at Rick and hoped the disdain in your voice was palpable,“anything in particular?” 

“Something you gave yourself a little player one action in would be preferable,” Rick smirked at you and your face went red. That fucking asshole. There was no way of knowing if this was what he really needed or if he was just messing with you. You were going to spit in his drink for the rest of the time that you worked at the bar. You searched through your bag for a second before you eyes focused on a green thong you remembered wearing during one of your Rick-centered fantasies. You held them out to Rick, meeting his eyes, “I want these back - cleaned.”

“Thhaannnk yoooou,” Rick took them out of your hand and twirled them around his finger once before putting them in his jacket pocket, “I’ll be sure to get these back to you (y/n).” 

Without another word Rick walked out of the laundry mat. Morty’s face resembled a tomato at this point and he stammered out some sort of inaudible apology before hurrying after Rick. The door shut behind them and in a flash of green light they were gone. 

You sat in your pile of dirty clothes staring at the door. Mole people were a thing, a real thing. And now Rick Sanchez had a pair of your underwear because apparently your juices could stop the beast. A noise escaped your mouth that sounded embarrassingly close to a whine as you put your head in your hands. 

“Did that chick just give the creepy old guy a pair of her underwear?”

“Shut up Brad!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character development, spreadsheet battles, and cold beer.

 

The last patrons had shuffled out several minutes ago and you'd been focused on cleaning the bar as fast as possible. Pete was doing the books tonight which meant wouldn't have an excuse to scoot out on you the second you asked about Rick. You'd sworn off Rick after your first encounter with him at the bar. But then the ‘mole incident’ happened and  _ you had questions _ for Christ sake! Monster, alien, rogue science experiment...what the hell had you seen? You'd been tactfully trying to get more information about Rick from Pete for over a week now but no luck. He would either make a well time retreat or change the subject. Now everything was finished out front and you were going to get answers. You squared your shoulders and walked into the back office where Pete was in front of his archaic computer swearing at the spreadsheet in on the screen. 

“That thing is old enough to be in a museum,” you remarked gazing at the dust covered screen.

He looked up at you tipping his glasses down his nose, “you gonna buy me a new one?”

“Ha, rent is hard enough thank you.”

“Kyle ain't fucking you over on the rent is he?” 

After getting hired at Pete’s you’d planned on sleeping in a cheap motel until you found a place in town you could afford but, as luck would have it, a regular at the bar had an apartment for rent. Well, it was an attic room with a small bathroom and a kitchenette but it worked. Kyle had known Pete for a while so he gave you a break on the rent, gotta love those small town friendships. 

You put your hands up, “no, no, the place is great.”

Pete’s eyebrow arched up, “Great? I don't want to think about where you've lived in the past.”

“Four walls with a functioning bathroom is all I require or less...if necessary.”

“Well, speaking of the place I grabbed one of my extra space heaters from the house in case you need it. That buildings old, must be getting pretty in there cold in the attic by now,” He pointed to the small space heater wedged in the corner by a filing cabinet. You went over to inspect it and you could hear Pete open the mini fridge he kept behind his desk. You found out after your first successful week that Pete enjoyed craft beers, the stuff that was too expensive to get on tap here and that few of the Bud Light drinking regulars would appreciate. He cracked open two bottles and put one in front of you. 

“People seem to be liking the drinks you're putting out. The numbers for this month are up so I really can’t complain if you want to waste good bacon in a drink.”

You took a sip from the bottle and batted your eyes,“it’s my charm that draws them in and trust me, maple bacon is good in anything. You need to stop being such a scaredy cat and try one. I mean you drink IPAs sooo…”

Pete laughed and turned back to the computer screen, “it’s not my fault you have shit taste in beers. Anyways, I’ll lock up here. It’ll be a while.” 

“I told you before, I can help you with that stuff and I don’t mind helping.”

“Hm, that's right…. Mrs.M-B-A,” Pete studied you with a careful eye, “no idea why you'd give that up for slinging cheap beer to drunk locals.”

You looked away and took another drink, “exploration, curiosity, fear of business suits….pick one.”

He knew you were avoiding the subject and he let it slide, opting to give the monitor a good smack, “wish your past was in IT.”

You saw an opening and Pete must've seen it as well because he was already looking exasperated before you spoke.

“You know you could get someone to fix…”

“Oh god (y/n)”

“..it someone with technical skills like... let's say someone who can open a portal in the middle of a crowded bar…”

“I told you the only thing you need to know about Rick is that he drinks for free and you should keep your distance.”

“Well it's too late for that.”

Pete took his glasses off and put them on the desk,”oh for fucks sake. Does he need to run his way through every person who works my bar?”

Your eyes went wide as you realized two things; Pete thought that you were already sleeping with Rick, and the previous bartender had been Chris (who according to the female patrons had been “big, beefy, and beautiful”).

“Woah - we haven't!” You held your hands out to stop Pete’s thoughts in their tracks.

“Okay then. Don't.”

“Jealous?”

Pete chuckled under his breath before taking a sip of beer, “nope. Just smart.”

You sit in silence until Pete had typed several rows of information into the spreadsheet and you were almost done your beer. That was apparently all he was going to say about Rick. But you couldn’t let it go. You decide to tell Pete about the ‘mole incident’ even though you knew he might end up thinking you’re crazy.

“Okay, my interest in Rick is because of something that happened last week…”

You went into detail about everything that happened, even the underground monster. No matter how deep you got into the story, Pete's expression remained neutral. He even turned away for a moment to get himself a fresh beer. After you were finished you were subjected to more of his signature silent treatment until you threw up your hands, “so, how do I get my underwear back?” 

“Simple, you don't.”

“Yeah, but I can't...”

“I know what you’re making kid, you can afford to buy yourself a new pair,” Pete looked up at the heavens and muttered, “fucking conversation about underwear, Sanchez, I swear to God.”

You sat up in your chair, fiddling with the empty beer bottle preparing to follow up on that comment when Pete started in again, sounding like your father.

“Listen, we both know it's not about your underwear. Trust me, _ I get it. _ But Rick….”

“Isn't boyfriend material? Come on, I’m leaving for Europe in a few months. I wouldn't be able to live the life I live if I got all mushy over every interesting snowflake who came in my orbit. All of that stuff,” you waved your hands to emphasise your point,  “just a waste of time. So when I tell you I’m a big girl and I can handle it. Whatever _ IT _ is when it comes to Rick. Please, believe me.”

“Well, I’m mostly surprised you’d go for a guy that old,” Pete laughed and then he started tearing pieces off the label on the bottle in his hands. He started to speak, keeping his eyes focused on the pile of shredded paper he was amassing in front of him, “listen, he has his own particular brand of crazy that is fun, don’t get me wrong. What you saw that night that’s just the tip of the iceberg. He gets into a lot of dangerous stuff and he's not the kind of guy who will sweat it if you get lost along the way.”

There was apparently a lot more to their relationship than you originally thought, “What did he do to you?”

“Me? Nothin’. I've been able to avoid the worst of the Rick-nado.” Pete studied you across the desk. “He should be back in this week. Weather you'll get your *ahem* back, well don't bet on it. It's late, you should get going. Don't forget the heater.”

You sighed and got up from the chair, it was too late to argue. You walked out of the bar turning off the open sign while you shifted the heater in your arms. Pete was right, Rick was trouble you didn't need. You thought about your travel bucket list and all of the places you had yet to check off.  You'd given up so much just to get where you were. Getting distracted and fucking up was the last thing you needed. _ Focus on getting through the next few months, that's all you need to do. Then this place, and that mad scientist, will be nothing but journal entry.  _

You’d keep it simple, a girl serving a man drinks he never paid for. A fun a story to tell people you met in Europe. The thought of escape gave you a light heart and you felt that Rick induced haze dissipate immediately. 

That was until you noticed the green thong hanging from the doorknob of your apartment. You looked around the small landing, “Rick?”

No reply and no sign anyone was still there. You put the heater down and grabbed your underwear. This was creepy, not cute. It was, it really was. You picked up the heater and entered your apartment trying not to focus on what had just happened.  _ You shouldn’t be smiling about this _ , you told yourself as you found a spare plug in the small living space and felt the heater hum to life. Laying on the floor in front enjoying the warm air you twirled the elastic green fabric around your fingers like he did when you gave them to him. You couldn't stop the smile spreading across your face when you realized they were clean and then you laughed out loud.

“You creepy son of a bitch.”

Journal entry or not, you had a feeling these next few months would turn into something worth remembering. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edit this stuff myself so please excuse the mess. 
> 
> Also, I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this. 
> 
> Rick's back in the next chapter. How will you handle your first encounter post-underwear return?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally a conversation....

Pete said Rick would be back this week and sure enough he wandered in a little after 10 o'clock. You pretended to ignore him, chatting up a jock who was racking up a hefty bill buying a second round of drinks for his friends. Rick didn't tip after all, he could wait. 

“Really you like whiskey? You must be the first girl I met who does.”

_ Oh wow Mr. Middle class white college boy everyone. _ “You should get out more, I know a lot of girls who love whiskey.”

Pete walked behind you and over to Rick, the two of them seemed amicable enough as they started talking. It only took a few moments and they were laughing about something. The jock cleared his throat and you realize you’d been staring. 

“Your boss has that old geezer covered. You should come to our table and show us your whiskey skills.”

_ Please walk away _ . “Sorry honey, I gotta stay behind the bar.”

You poured the shots out and put them in front of him. 

“Put them on my tab. Come on over when you get off work.” He winked at you before walking away with the shots in his meaty hands, spilling some over his shirt. 

You pretended to wipe something off the counter, using the opportunity to sneak a glance at Rick and Pete. They were leaning together talking and Pete seemed a little tense whereas Rick looked like a teenager getting a lecture from a parent. The last thing you needed was for the two older men to have a grump off resulting in Rick walking out before you even got to talk to him. 

“You don't see…” Pete stopped talking as soon as you appeared beside him. You patted him on the back. 

“You gonna give the man a drink?” It was supposed to be a joke but Pete turned to you with a crease in his brow and a frown.

“S-see (y/n) gets it.” Rick sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“Thought you were helping someone.” Pete said.

“They're helped. But don't mind me, keep talking. I'm gonna just make something for Rick.”

“We're *uurrp* done,” Rick said.

Pete pushed past you muttering something under his breath. You watched him go as you started to assemble a new drink you’d been working on.

“So you're psychic now?” 

You added some extra bourbon before closing up the metal shaker and shaking it. “Psychic?”

“Well I didn't tell you what I wanted.”

“Well I figured since you're not paying anyway you could be my guinea pig.”

Rick didn't comment as you finished assembling the drink with a piece of bacon woven into a toothpick and put it in front of him.

You smiled sweetly at him, “I mean that seems only fair, doesn't it?” 

Rick looked at the drink and then up at you. “What is it?”

“Maple bourbon Manhattan.”

“Uuuuh if I-I drink this will you just give me some straight whiskey?”

“Of course.”

Rick gulped the entire drink down at once and you waited, hip resting on the bar. “And?”

Rick pushed the empty glass in front of you, “Less maple s-syrup, mor*urrp*e whiskey, but not the worst thing I've tasted.”

You'd been expecting a snarky remark and Rick's genuine feedback caught you off guard. It must've shown on your face, Rick's eyebrow went up and he crossed his arms, “what?”

“Nothing, I just appreciate the honest feedback. I was thinking it was a bit sweet.”

You grabbed the bottle of Jameson and tilted the label so towards Rick could read it, silently asking for his approval.

“Hm, right to the good stuff. I like that,” he leaned over and grabbed two clean shot glasses from behind the bar.

“I still have a few hours left on my shift.”

“And?” Rick said as he took the bottle from you and filled both shot glasses. You shrugged and grabbed the shot glass off the bar. Rick held his glass up and you responded in kind, clinking them together before tipping it back and letting the burning liquid slide down your throat in one sip.

“Skal!” you exclaimed putting the shot glass back on the bar.

Rick let out a loud belch. “What?”

“Oh, it’s the Icelandic way of saying cheers.”

A patron saddled up to the bar and Rick shot him a look, obviously the man got a little too close. Then man took a step back before requesting, “Can I have a another Bud, hun?”

You nodded, but kept your eyes on Rick as you pulled a clean glass out of the stack. 

“So y-you’ve been there? Isn’t it just *urrp* volcanoes and icebergs?”

You laughed as you topped off the beer and placed it on the bar and the guy told you to add it to his tab. You turned to look at Rick as you rung the drink in the register. “There’s both of those things but there’s also these amazing mountains that are green and are right next to the ocean. Also Reykjavik is beautiful, the people are really nice, and THE HOTDOGS…”

Rick’s eyebrow went up, “is that innuendo?”

“No. It sounds crazy but the hotdogs I had in Iceland were the best hotdogs I’ve ever had, and I was sober - before you ask.”

“You seem like you miss it,” Rick was reaching over the bar again, grabbing a clean glass. 

“Ice?” Rick handed you the glass and you put a few cubes in it and handed it back. He empted a generous amount of whiskey into the glass and leaned back in his chair. 

“I do miss it but it kind of makes me look forward to the next place even more, you know?”

“You travel a lot?”

“Every chance I get. I just don’t see the point in staying in one place forever. Worlds just too big for that.”

Rick sipped his drink and didn’t reply but he was studying you. Suddenly, you felt self conscious and you were thankful when two ladies came up to the bar requesting more white wine. You tried not to blush as you felt Rick’s eyes on you as you quickly served the drinks. A quick scan showed no one else looking expectantly at you, ready to request another beverage so you strolled back over to Rick and leaned closer to him keeping your voice low, “okay so last week, is that a normal Tuesday for you or did I just catch you on a lucky day?”

“Hm - we were j-just trying to instal the in ground sprinkler system but then fu*urrp*cking Morty had to go and hit it with my growth ray on purpose turning *urrp* it from  Pekingese sized hole digging expert into a dumb violent hippo in the matter of seconds. Was it typical? Yeah. He always finds a way to fuck something up.”

Jesus, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary. What else did he get up to? “So you’re a mad scientist or something…” 

“Mad? If by mad you mean the smartest person in the fucking multiverse. Then, yeah, I’m fucking crazy.” 

“Hey bartender,” Pete was suddenly behind you, “we’re running low on a few things behind the bar, can you go into the basement and grab them? I’ve got a list.”

He shoved a post-it note into your hand with a half dozen things on it and you tried to remain calm, “looks heavy, shouldn’t you do it?”

“Naw, I’m just an old man. What’s the point of all that kung fu you do if you can’t pick up a few boxes?”

“It’s Krav Maga which is *sigh*…..whatever,” you looked at Rick, “you gonna be here when I get back?”

“Nope.”  _ Fuck. _

“Okay well, thanks for returning that  _ thing _ I lent you,” you smirked and Pete sighed loudly giving you a gentle push towards the other side of the bar.

“You’ll need to thank Morty for that. I-I think he’s got a bit of a crush on you.”

You laughed as you turned away, feeling your cheeks heat up. It would’ve been great to say something clever back but you couldn’t think of anything before you reached the door to the basement. Rick was a self admitted mad scientist who was old enough to be your dad but yet you were smiling like a fool in a musty basement while you loaded liquor bottles into an empty crate. He was a snarky ass but seemed nice for the most part and chasing aliens was his normal day to day. You wondered what an abnormal day was. For anyone else it would’ve been reckless to want to get to know someone like this but you were the girl who went cliff diving and camped in caves in the jungle just because you could. If life presented you with an opportunity to experience something awesome you felt it was wrong to pass it by, even if it was a little dangerous. This was what this bucket list thing was all about, right? Rick was one of those opportunities and you weren’t going to pass this up. If you fell into bed with him somewhere along the way, you wouldn’t complain either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pete, stop cock-blocking a girl - will ya?? I hope you liked this chapter. I've got some adventures planned for you and Rick in the next chapter so stay tuned! (also someone asked me on the last chapter if there was smut coming - ABSOLUTELY) 
> 
> I edit all my stuff, the mistakes are my own. If you like this story it would be awesome if you could share it!
> 
> <3 thanks for all the awesome comments! They keep me going. I hope you're having a happy holiday season so far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ## warning: vomiting is discussed a lot in this chapter. If reading/thinking/imagining vomit is upsetting to you just skip this chapter. 
> 
> You try and have a normal day at the bar flirting with Rick and then all hell breaks loose.

Rick sat down at the bar with a wide grin on his face. He winked at you while he rubbed his hands together in anticipation, “okay, *uurrrp* tell me it's ready.”

 

The sight of Rick has you smiling. It was the second time this week which was new for him and you liked it. “I've never seen anyone so excited about a drink before.”

 

Rick sat back in his chair, crossing his arms while nonchalantly looking around the room, “W-what? No! I'm not e*urrrrp*xcited about the drink. I-- _ jesus _ . C-c-can't a guy just have a smile on without it being an ulterior *urrp* motive?”

 

“A guy, yes. You, no.” You chuckled turning to open the large fridge below the bar and pulling out a tupperware jug filled with fluorescent pink rum punch. You'd been tweaking the recipe for a while and Rick had been more than happy to sample each variation while light-heartedly tearing into you about each ‘mistake.’ It was pretty funny that a guy who threw back hard liquor like it was water loved fruity drinks so much. 

 

“Since you still have both hands, I take it things with your granddaughter and those...what did you call them? Glompledrops smoothed out,” you said adding a generous amount of ice to a pint glass before filling it with the pink liquid. Rick's eyes eyes lit up when you put the drink in front of him.

 

“It's lopelpops and y-yes she was able to get her journal back so *urrrp* I’m no longer on their shit list.”

 

You put your hand up to stop Rick before he brought the glass to his lips, “wait.” You plopped a tiny pink umbrella in the glass and smirked. 

 

“Oh ha ha. Y-you know I'd think a fem*urrp*inist like yourself could embrace a strong and very well endowed man like myself enjoying a colorful beverage,” Rick leaned back in his chair and took a sip.

 

_ Well endowed? Subtle, grandpa.  _ You weren't going to fall for it, teasing Rick was just too much fun, plus he seemed to be in a great mood tonight. Maybe if you played your cards right he'd actually take you on one of these crazy adventures he always talked about instead of flirting with you while indulging in your newest drink recipe. 

 

“Hm, and I thought a smart man like you would get a joke when he heard it.”

 

Alex, a rugged looking construction foreman who was a Wednesday night regular saddled up to the bar, “hey Y/N, can I get one of those pickled eggs? Dennis said their out of this world.” 

 

He looked at the drink in Rick's hand, “What is that? It looks delicious.”

 

“Rum punch, I'm still fine-tuning the recipe and Rick kindly offered to sample it for me,” you responded while fishing an egg out of the jar behind the bar and plopping it in a small plastic bowl.

 

“You want a taste?” Rick leaned into Alex’s personal space, his expression turning devious.

 

“Here's your egg, Alex,” you nudged the bowl into his beefy tan arm and it earned you a startled look. You gave him a sympathetic smile,  _ oh honey, I know how you feel. Rick Sanchez is a god damn siren. _ It wasn’t the first time you’d seen Rick work his magic on a bar patron, male or female.

 

“Um, put it on my tab,” he turned to Rick, with a flush on his cheeks,”Maybe some other time.”

 

After Alex was out of earshot you swatted at Rick's arm before leaning over the bar, close enough so he could hear you whisper, “stop it. Pete's getting sick of you seducing everyone who comes in the bar. He’s going to kick you out and then who am I going to talk to?”

 

“I-I can’t help it if they all want B*uuurpp*ig R.” 

 

You retreated giggling at the absolute dorky turn of phrase that had just left Rick’s mouth, “uh, huh. Big R. Calm down, grandpa.”

 

Rick narrowed his eyes and took another long sip, “Pete’s never said anything to me about what I do here. When did he say that exactly?”

 

_ Shit shit shit _ . You started fixing something behind the bar that didn’t need to be toyed with,“oh, a few weeks ago. He mentioned you and Chris…”

 

“Hmm, I-I wonder what brought that up,” Rick said cutting you off. You looked up to see him staring you down with a very amused expression. 

 

Your cheeks flushed and you knew you'd been caught. For weeks you'd been playing the does she or doesn't she card, telling yourself that it was fine and you could just keep Rick guessing. Yeah, sure, fool the smartest man you'd ever met - _ fuck _ . You looked down and the scarred wooden surface of the bar and started thinking of an excuse to get away.

 

“So that's why Pete told me to back off,” Rick's voice seemed deeper and steadier than normal. He’d stood from the barstool and leaned against the bar putting his face close enough to you that you could smell the sweet drink on his breath. He took the umbrella out of the glass and ran his tongue along the toothpick at the bottom, licking it clean. He brushed your hair behind your ear and put the umbrella there, hands resting on your cheeks. 

 

You whispered his name as he started to close the distance. Somewhere in your brain the rational part of you is holding up a neon stop sign shouting “Pete will fucking fire you!” You muted those thoughts as you closed your eyes and leaned in. Suddenly Rick's hands left your face and your eyes snapped open to see him focused on something behind the bar,“the fuck??”

 

Rick hopped onto the bar and jumped down beside you. You stepped back as he invaded the space behind the bar. He grabbed the jar of pickled eggs and started shouting incoherente things your brain just wasn’t registering. You were still trying to mentally switch gears from  _ where in the bar can we fuck without getting noticed _ to  _ what the hell does Rick have against eggs _ ?? All that came out of your mouth was stammering.

 

Rick shoved the jar in your face, “where did you get these!?”

 

“The fridge in the back. Why?”

 

A scream erupted from the side of the bar between the half-working jukebox and the pool table. You turned to see a blonde kneeling down beside a man who appeared to have fainted. She shook his shoulders calling his name out, the energy around the room started to simmer and you knew it wouldn’t be long before someone panicked. 

 

Pete appeared at the end of the bar, pushing some people out of the way so he could see what was going on, “hey, everything okay?”

 

The man on the ground sat up abruptly and the blonde shook his shoulders, “Dennis! Dennis! Are you okay baby?”

 

Dennis didn't respond for a few minutes while the woman continued to ask if he was okay. She rested a hand on his forehead and pouted. He opened his mouth and you thought he was going to speak but instead he showered her in a stream of bright rainbow colored vomit. A noise of disgust left your mouth as you looked away.

 

Rick grabbed your shoulders and turned you to look at him,“ God dammit! Do you know how hard it was to collect this many Froopy eggs?”

 

“Froopy eggs?” you looked at the jar on the counter and then out at the vomitorium that was now the front room of the bar, “Rick are you telling me this is one of your fucking experiments?”

 

“No, they're o-one of the best highs in the *uurrrp* galaxy! But eating a whole e-egg...well this place is about to become a thriller video with less dancing and *uurpp* more vomit.” 

 

You felt someone looking at you and you were afraid to turn your head. Dennis stood at the bar but he wasn't Dennis anymore. The vile liquid dripping from his mouth onto his shirt. Thick purple veins surrounded his dead eyes and spiderwebbed back to his temples. Just as he opened his mouth and you grabbed the nearest liquor bottle and threw it at his head. It shattered and knocked Dennis back a few steps before he fell to the floor. Rick laughed and peered over the bar to verify that Dennis was knocked out.

 

“Well, that took care of him,” Rick squeezed your bicep, “remind me to bring you to  Blips and Chitz we could get so many fucking tickets at the flashball machine.”

 

“Rick, vomiting zombie, how do we cure him?”

 

“More important question: how many people did you give the eggs to?” 

 

“Dennis, Alex, and Big Joe.”

 

“Big Joe?”

 

The pool table soared through the air and collided with the opposite wall spewing splintered wood and cue balls around the room. Rick pulled you behind the bar to protect you from the debris. You crouched with him as you heard the tension that had been simmering in the room break into a full panic. 

 

“Oh y-you gotta be *rruuuppp* fucking kidding me.” Rick said standing up as you heard the tell-tale sound of vomit hitting the tile floor. Big Joe was nearly seven feet tall and looked like he would rip your arms off if you looked at him the wrong way. The truth was he was just a nice guy who happened to look terrifying, always the first to cuss out anyone for being “un-gentleman-like” to you. But that was not the person you saw when you stood up. The Big Joe you saw was holding a random patron in the air with one hand while he  showered in them variable kaleidoscope of vomit.

 

“Let me guess, Big Joe - right?” Rick reached into his jacket and pulled out a keypad. You nodded in response as Rick plugged in some numbers. Pete ran behind the bar, grabbing Rick by the the arm and shoving him. 

 

“What the fuck did you do Sanchez?”

 

“Me? I’m not one who decided to give out froopy eggs as the bar special.”  

 

“You stored dangerous shit in the same place we keep our food. How the hell was I supposed to know?” You said looking for the bat Pete stashed behind the bar for “closing time protection” as you noticed Dennis making his approach again. Pete swore and ran back to his office. Rick pressed a button on his keypad and the a metal shield replaced the doors and windows. 

 

“You’re locking us in here?” You said to Rick in a panic. 

 

“T-this thing is like a virus, we can’t afford any of it getting out into the open. It wouldn’t be *urrrp* pretty.” 

 

Dennis stood at the bar again leaning forward and swiping his arms in your direction trying to get a hold of you. You avoided his grasp and got behind Rick.

 

“Fuck off, discount Fonz,” Rick said before stunning Dennis with what you could only describe as a ray gun. The remaining patrons were trying to pry the door open as Big Joe continued to spraying all that got in his path with vomit. Those who got the worst of it seemed dazed at for a moment before aggressively going after other patrons. The sound of a shotgun cocking pulled your eyes away from the meyle in the bar. Pete held the gun against his shoulder and aimed out in the crowd. 

 

“That may be overkill, they're still human. For the most part,” Rick said firing another stunner shot into the crowd. 

 

“What did you bring into my bar?” Pete shot at a sign hanging above the pooltable, it loosened from the ceiling and fell on a few of the zombies that were running after the few unturned patrons.

 

“No time - just don't let them vomit on you. We gotta get somewhere until this blows over,” Rick stuck his hand inside his jacket and pulled out his portal gun, he shook it and from the expression on his face you could tell something was wrong, “fucking Morty.”

 

Someone grabbed you from behind you shifted your weight to give them a quick punch in the balls before moving your leg so you could throw them over your hip. The man landed with a thud on the bar mats. A swift kick to the head and he fell limp. You looked up to see Rick nodding with approval, “well, at least you can take care of *urrrp* yourself.”

 

You shrugged, about to make a witty comeback when Pete shouted, “the basement!”

 

Sidestepping the body on the ground you tried to avoid the infected patrons who were now grabbing at you from the other side of the bar. A few got your hair and ripped your shirt but you were lucky enough to avoid the worst of it. Every chance you got you threw something at the crowd trying to keep them back as you made your way to the cellar. Suddenly, Big Joe’s shadow loomed over you and before you knew it he’d hoisted Rick up and slammed him down on the bar.  

 

You called out to Pete but the other man was busy trying to fend off two zombies with the butt of his shotgun. 

 

“Fuck off you neanderthal!” Rick zapped Big Joe but the large man seemed unfazed, Rick shot again but it still didn’t have an effect, “I really don't want to kill you, bro.”

 

Joe held Rick down and you saw him start to heave. _ Oh God _ , grabbing the nearest serving tray you scrambled up on the bar and got on top of Rick. You held the tray behind your head to shield you both from the infectious vomit.You cried out in disgust as you felt the hot liquid on your hands and running down your arms. 

 

“Don't get it in your mouth or eyes!” Rick shouted he reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out a silver blob. He crunched it between his fingers and threw it on the floor. A loud snapping noise sounded and then all noise stopped. Big Joe was stopped in his tracks, along with everyone else in the room. You looked back down at Rick, not quite believing what you were experiencing. He looked amused and you knew the astonishment was apparent on your face.

 

“L-listen, this is only going to stop time for *uurrrp* a minute but if you want to waste a few more seconds that's fine with me,” Rick smirked up at you bucking his hips, reminding you that you were straddling him. Tempting, feeling the heat between you both and a distinct bulge that told you Rick hadn’t been totally exaggerating with the ‘well endowed’ comment earlier. But you had vomit zombies to deal with first. 

 

You fingers loosened their death hold on the tray above your head but it didn't move, it floated suspended in air above you. You slid off Rick and hopped off the bar, flicking the vomit off your hands as best you could. Rick got off the counter, “you’ll be fine, a little puke never hurt anyone.” 

 

“That doesn’t fit this situation  _ at all _ .”

 

Rick let out a loud belch and shrugged as you both reached the basement door. Pete was frozen, his hand on the doorknob. 

 

“He was going to *urrrp* leave us here. Oh, fearless leader. Fuck me,” Rick sighed, picking up Pete and moving him to the side like he was furniture. He opened the door, hoisted Pete over his shoulder and started down the stairs. The second you shut the door the noise from upstairs broke the silence and you quickly moved to the bottom of the steps, scared someone would open the door and pull you into the insanity upstairs.  Pete groaned holding his head, “what the hell?”

 

You stood next to him, “Rick froze time so we could get down here. You okay?”

 

“Not really. I don't know what's going on up there and I know there's no way out down here. If those things decide to come downstairs we're screwed.”

 

“R-relax, they didn't see us leave. Be*uurrp*sides the effects of the toxins will wear off in an hour or less.” Rick grabbed a random bottle from the shelf beside him, screwed off the top, and took several loud gulps.

 

You went to the ice machine and wrapped a handful of ice in a hand towel and passed it to Pete. He took the icy compress with a nod of thanks and put it on the back of his head,“So,  _ genius _ , what happens when the effects wear off?”

 

“A coma if they're lucky,” Rick said while rifling around in a stack of boxes, pocketing a few of the smaller liquor bottles he could find.

 

“You realize that's a lot of our regulars up there,” Pete grunted.

 

“Well, then their livers should be tough enough to process out most of the toxins during a long nap.”

 

Pete threw the ice to the ground and stalked towards Rick, balling his fists, “I know you and I have an agreement but you can't come in here and just fuck with my customers and my business.”

 

“I'm not the one who served *urrrp* super LSD eggs to a bunch of assholes.”

 

“Label your shit next time, Rick,” you said moving between the two men, too exhausted to fight with Rick or to watch these two blowhards duke it out.  “You two wanna go all summerslam on each other, fine. Just wait until we're out of this mess.”

 

“H-hey listen. I know we're all stressed out but let's just wait it out and then go back up when everyone's gone nap nap.” Rick said.

 

Pete looked at you with an expression you couldn't quite read and then turned to Rick, “you destroy everything you touch, Sanchez. Whether you mean to or not.”

 

Rick shrugged and took another sip out of the bottle in his hand before sitting down on a stack of boxes. Another scream pierced the air followed by a crash causing a handful of dust to fall from the ceiling onto you head. You went to brush it off and that's when you realized your hands and forearms were still covered in vomit. “Ugh, god.”

 

“Y/N,” Pete said shaking a plastic bottle of gin in your direction. You walked over and held out your hands. He shook his head as he emptied the contents of the bottle on your hands and you used the cool liquid to wash your arms. “That's just a waste of good gin.” 

 

“That's not good gin,” you said with a laugh.

 

“True,” Pete paused, “listen, I don't blame you for what happened. I had no idea Rick was still storing his stuff here. I would've let you know.”

 

“I don't blame me either.” You used the damp rag to wipe off your hands, trying to avoid focusing on what they smelled like, “ I just don't know how we're going to explain this to the cops.”

 

“Yeeeaaah,” Pete looked away and scratched the back of his head, “let me worry about that.”

 

“With the cast of degenerate C-cheers up there I bet *urrrp* that the cops won’t bat an eye,” Rick said from across the room as he faced the stone wall. You watched him take another sip from the bottle and then he sat up, you could practically see the light bulb above his head. 

 

Rick got up and walked over to you, “Y/N, did the blonde *uuurrp* have crotch crickets?”

 

“Who?” 

 

“The curvy blonde Big Joe gave a rainbow shower. You were making eyes at her last time I was here. Did she have an extra spicy enchilada?”

 

“Rick, I'm a bartender, I make eyes at  _ everyone _ .”

 

Pete chuckled, “she really does.”

 

“So as for her STD status, I wouldn’t know from personal experience or rumors around the bar crew. Why? Would having something change how she reacted to the eggs?” 

 

“Maybe.” Rick leaned against the shelve next to him.

 

You moved closer to Rick and lowered your voice, “she wasn't interested anyways.”

 

“You *urrp* little hussy,” Rick chuckled then plucked the umbrella from behind your ear and started cleaning his teeth with it. 

 

Pete cleared his throat, “okay, Y/N if you could  _ stop _ making eyes now, since my fucking business is getting destroyed upstairs, that'd be great.”

 

“Calm d-down. People will be *uurppp* passed out soon and we can leave,” Rick said.

 

“And then what? You gonna help me pay for the damages?”

 

“L-look, Pete, I can hardly be held responsible for your neglectful staff,” Rick said.

 

You rolled your eyes just as a the sound of breaking wood came from the stop of the stairs. The sound filled the room again and you could see a hole forming at the side of the door. “Guys,” you called out as the door burst forward, hanging off the hinges. Two men followed by Big Joe lumbered down the stairs grunting and swinging their arms in the air.  Rick stood at the bottom of the stairs, shaking a bottle of something you couldn’t identify, “awesome, I was starting to get bored anyway.”

 

Rick uncapped the bottle spraying the attacker's faces with the clear liquid. You started forward to help but stopped in your tracks, noticing that the group was reacting as if Rick has sprayed them with battery acid. They dropped to their knees howling in pain, green foam coming from their mouth and nose.

 

“What the?” Pete started.

 

“Tonic water. The Quinine will leach out most of the drugs and the rest they'll have to sleep off.” Rick said grabbing another bottle.

 

“You couldn't have mentioned that earlier?” Pete shouted.

 

“I was too b-busy being attacked by *urrp* nondescript background character number two over here.” 

 

You found two more bottles of tonic water on a shelve and handed one to Pete. He looked at you with concern, “you're not going up there.”

 

“Relax, Ronda Ro*uurrpp*usey here can handle herself,” Rick said as he started up the stairs.

 

You followed closely behind shaking the bottle in your hand noting how quiet it was upstairs. Rick paused at the top of the stairs before crossing through the broken doorway into the bar. You were the next to enter and what you saw made you stop dead in your tracks. A half dozen people lay around the bar area, some convulsing and some still. The pooltable had made a sizeable hole in the wall that would go right through to the outside once Rick’s shields were up. Bodily fluids were everywhere, you couldn’t tell what was vomit and what was...something else. The mirror behind the bar had been shattered and not a single bottle remained standing.

 

“Holy shit,” Rick muttered and he left your side to go and examine something on the other side of the room. You moved forward, checking a few folks by the bar to see if they were still alive. Most had shallow breathing and somewhat of a pulse, a good sign. Each person seized slightly as you poured tonic water into their mouths but no one woke up.

 

“What the fuck is that?!” Pete’s frightened tone caught your attention he was looking in horror at the other corner of the bar. If that was his reaction, you were almost too scared too look. A sound you couldn’t identify filled the air and you pushed through your fear to look at where the noise came from. The blonde Big Joe had coated in vomit had doubled in size and her grotesque, distended torso covered her legs as she lay on the floor. Remnants of the vomit clung to her skin, the only thing covering her now since her mutation had caused her clothes to rip away from her body. You moved towards her and noticed Rick was scanning her with an instrument in his hand. Pete remained behind, retching in a corner. 

 

“Oh what the fuck,” you shook the bottle in your hand and prepared to spray it on her. Rick's hand covered yours and pushed the bottle down. 

 

“Not sure if that will help. Y-you and Pete douse anyone who's left up here with that stuff. I'll see what's going on with...it...her.” Rick turned his attention back to the thing. 

 

You nodded, somewhat reluctant to leave him alone with something that may be unpredictable,  opting to keep one eye on him as you forced the remaining patrons to drink the soda. After you'd checked with Pete to make sure you'd gotten everyone you walked over to Rick. 

 

“So is Jabba The Hut going to make it?”

 

“I never thought I’d say this but, thank god for herpes!” Rick exclaimed. 

 

“What?”

 

Rick stood up to face you and instead of a reply he pushed his lips against yours. It wasn't a nice kiss, more like smashing your lips against his. You half expected an cartoonish *smack* to sound when he pulled away. Before you had a chance to kiss back he let go and you fell backwards, landing ass first in a puddle of vomit.  

 

“Thank you Y/N!” Rick said, smiling triumphantly down at you. 

 

Your brain felt like it was going to overload, “why?”

 

“She's brewing a-about two do*uurrp*zen froopy eggs in that belly. Do you know how much these go for on the blackmarket in space?! I’m gonna be rich baby! And it’s all thanks to you.”

 

You stood up, wiping your hands on your jeans,“so are you going to gut her like a fish or something?”

 

“What? No! Not now. It will probably be another month or two until the eggs are ready.”

 

“Great, that means you can pay to get my bar fixed!” Pete’s shout was followed by the sound of shattering glass. 

 

Rick fired his portal gun at the ground under the Thing, she fell through and Rick jumped in after her. The portal disappeared with a flash of green and the security shields went up, exposing the bar to the cold winter air coming from the holes in the wall.  Pete's swearing was the only sound as you sat staring at the empty space where Rick had been. 

 

“See, this was what I was talking about!” Pete shouted as he started trying to right furniture by the bar, “you still want to fuck that walking FEMA nightmare?!”

 

“No.”  _ Yes.  _ You let out a frustrated sigh, “Pete, what do you need me to do?”

 

“Go home. Trust me when I tell you, Rick’s not coming back to help clean up.”

 

Thank god because you needed a long shower and some time to sort through what exactly had happened tonight. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual - I edit my own stuff so all mistakes are my own.
> 
> Follow me at http://openheart-wickedmind.tumblr.com/ for fic updates and more. If you like this fic, please share on social media!
> 
> I hope everyone had a great holiday! I have more planned for the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting tables sucks add in a handsy manager and it's even worse. Then Rick appears....

Holiday songs rang through the air as your eyes glazed over. You never understood what the appeal was of trying to pump people full of Christmas cheer before it was even December. It seemed Shoney’s was no different. It had been almost a month since the zombie bar crawl and no word from Rick about helping with rebuilding the bar. Pete refused to tell you how to contact Rick so you could strong arm him into helping you guys out. You passed out drink refills to one of your tables barely registering their request for another order of onion rings. Waiting tables was one of the seven circles of hell you thought you’d escaped. But thanks to Rick you were stuck here shucking fried food and restocking the buffet until god knows when.On your way to the drinks station you caught sight of Andy, the assistant manager and resident harasser with one of the younger waitresses in the corner. Her eyes met yours in a silent plea for help as you noticed Andy move closer than any HR team would permit. 

“Lynn, do you think you could help me with restocking the mashed potatoes I’m still not one hundred percent sure of where everything goes and there’s like three empty trays near one another,” you said, gently pulling Lynn away from Andy.

“Thank you,” Lynn said when you got her near the buffet. Andy had retreated back into the kitchen so you felt safe to speak your mind.

“Don’t let him give you that crap,” although you were one to talk, he’d tried that shit on you a few times already since you started. A few years of tending bar at less than reputable places made you the fucking Fred Astaire when it came to sidestepping that kind of bullshit.

“Yeah, I know. Hey... you don’t really need help with the buffet, right?”

“No, I’m good. I’ve got a table that just got seated anyways.”

“Okay, thanks again,” Lynn smiled sweetly at you before walking off to the other side of the restaurant to survey her tables. 

Celine Dion was warbling her way through a holiday headache of a song as you walked up to your freshly seated average American middle class family. 

“Welcome to Shoney's. My name is Y/N. Can I get you all a round of waters to -”

“Wubba lubba dub dub!”

There was no mistaking that voice. You turned around to see a crazy mass of blue hair in one of the far booths across the dining room. Flames erupted from the side of your head and smoke left your ears as you seethed with anger. At least that's how it looked in your head. You crunched the small notepad you used for taking orders in your hand,“Motherfucker.”

“Excuse me?” The soccer mom at the table said in a high-pitched squeal but you were already walking away. The parents at your table would probably tell your manager but fuck it, you didn't care. You stalked across the restaurant balling your fists. Morty saw you first and he grimaced before sliding lower in his seat. Jesus, you really must look mad. _ Good.  _

“Uuuhh R-Rick…” Morty said as you reached the booth. 

You put both your hands on the table and looked Rick dead in the eye, “hello Rick.”

Rick gave you the once over and took a sip of his drink. “Ya know Y/N, I'm missing the low cut tops and tight jeans but I've gotta admit, you're working those khakis.” 

“Oh my god, Grandpa Rick,” the teenage redhead in the corner laughed as she typed something into her phone.

“Oh haha Rick, you know what I miss? My fucking job! Where have you been? You blast off saying you'll be rich…”

“Ah! Right about that…” Rick cut you off and he suddenly looked uncomfortable.

“Rich?” Morty’s voice cracked as he yelled, “you said you didn't have enough money and that's why we had to take that stupid space cab while I had a weeble eating my brain!!”

“Umm Dad…” a forty-something blonde seated by the window said while her eyes flicked from Rick to you.

“Oh, he didn't tell you Morty? Cliff notes version, vomit zombies destroying the place I worked and then Rick running off with money making drug eggs.”

“Aaaww jeez Rick.”

“An egg _ incubator _ ! It takes time for those babies to get ripe,” Rick said in frustration. 

“I'm sorry, but who the hell are you?” the blonde spoke up again. 

You sighed in frustration, “Y/N. I- I'm a friend of Rick's.”

“Friend? How old  _ are  _ you?” She looked you up and down, narrowing her eyes. In less than a minute she seemed to know what you were about, at least when it came to Rick.  _ Not bad, soccer mom. _ But you had more pressing matters.

“Okay, you don't have money to fix the bar - fine. But it's your fault I'm out of a job.” 

“How is th*uuurppp*at my problem?” Rick crossed his arms and leaned back in the booth.

The anger left you in one deep exhale and you suddenly felt like an idiot. What did you think he was going to do? You barely knew him but yet you'd been hoping he'd white horse you out of your current situation. Not cool and NOT your usual reaction to being in trouble. But dammit, it  _ was _ his fault! 

“Grandpa Rick we could use someone else when we go back to pick up the mega seeds to pay the…” Morty started.

“Excuse me folks,” Andy appeared beside you, “Y/N is there a problem?”

“No, none at all,” you paused, trying to compose yourself because you were sure at any second you were going to scream, cry, or punch someone in the face, “see ya around, Rick.”

All eyes were on you as you walked away from the table towards the entrance of the kitchen. Andy was speaking but you couldn’t hear him, your mind was focused on the fact that Pete had been right. Jesus, what was it about Rick blowing this off that was getting under your skin? This wasn’t the first time you’d lost a job and certainly not the first time you’d had to adjust your travels due to money issue. 

Andy moved in front of you, blocking your path, “Y/N outbursts like that are unacceptable. You swore in front of customers.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, “you’re totally right. Not a great moment. I’m sorry.”

“Listen, I know you’re in a rough place now,” his hand rested on your shoulder, “stranger in this town. You really should take me up on the offer for that drink sometime. I could introduce you to some great folks.

_ Get your hand off me _ , “I appreciate your concern Andy. Things are fine.”

His hand slid down your arm to your wrist and your eye twitched as you used what little restraint you had left not to slap him.

“I know. You just seem like you need to blow off some steam,” his other hand grabbed your wrist in a lame attempt to assert dominance, “you know what I mean?”

The sounds of the restaurant died down as you felt your heartbeat speed up. It wasn’t the first time this had happened and it wouldn’t be the last. This certainly wasn’t the worst you’d gotten but every time it made you just as mad. Other times you could shrug it off, report their ass, and move on with your day. But, unfortunately for Andy, this was not one of those days.

“You know what Andy, you’re right,” you pulled your hands away with enough force to make him stumble. A quick sidestep and you were speeding towards the kitchen. _ Fuck this place, fuck this guy, fuck this town, fuck Rick Sanchez...  _

Employees parted like the great sea as you charged into the kitchen. You grabbed your coat from the employee nook in the corner and grabbed one boxes containing one of the pre-made holiday pies stacked on the counter.

“Hey!” Andy had caught up with you but you didn’t acknowledge him.

“Andy just harassed me and it wasn’t the first time. I’m reporting his ass and if he’s done it to you to, now’s the time to speak up.” You yelled loud enough so the entire kitchen staff could hear as you opened beverage freezer and pulled out a bottle of white wine.

“I didn’t! Wait - what are you doing? Y-you can’t just  _ take _ wine!”

You walked past a few female members of the waitstaff who met your eye with the ‘we’ve been there’ look. Well, you were going to lose your job but hopefully Andy would lose his as well. Rick caught your eye as you walked past his table headed to the main exit but you turnt your eyes away. 

“Hey! HEY!” Andy’s hand grabbed at your arm but you easily shrugged him off. That was enough to get the attention of most of the restaurant and you could hear the ambient noise of the restaurant scale down to a whisper.You used an empty chair to step up on top of a table and you looked out at the sea of customers gazing at you with interest. 

“Attention Shoney’s customers! Assistant manager Andy in his very  _ hands on _ management style has encouraged me to blow off some steam. So here it is, he’s a filthy pervert who I’m pretty sure makes everyone on staff feel like they have to take a very long shower after their shifts are done. So if you don’t want your friendly Shoney’s waitstaff fondled I’d recommend sending a letter to the restaurant manager. Happy fucking holidays!”

Andy’s face was beat red when you hopped down from the table, “Y/N you-”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fired. I know,” you said kicking open the front door and walking out into the cold winter air. 

\----

You watched Jason Voorhees pull off one of his signature decapitations as you tried not to dwell on what had happened earlier. As soon as you’d arrived home you’d thrown on a t-shirt and yoga pants in an attempt to make room for the wine and pie you were sure combined with the cheesy slasher film would numb your brain. But your mind couldn’t stop replaying the scene in your head. You didn’t have regrets about the scene in front of Mr. Grabby, but quitting your job was not a great move. Shoney's had been one of the few places in town that had been looking for employees. Now you were back at stage one.

“We decided we weren't going to think about this,” you said out loud, digging your fork into the apple pie, taking out a sizeable chunk, and washing it down with a mouth full of wine.

“T-think a-bout *urrp* what?” 

Rick was sipping out of his flask relaxing against your front door. You sighed, of course he was. 

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to know you don't have plans tonight,” Rick said taking out his portal gun and opening a green portal in the middle of your kitchen, “come on.”

“I…” you stood too fast, losing your balance, and knocking your shin into the coffee table, “ah fuck. I-I'm kinda drunk.”

You held up the nearly empty wine bottle as evidence. Rick shrugged, “great, that makes two of us.” 

You put the bottle down on the table and flipped the lid to the pie box shut to save it for later. 

“Bring it, I couldn’t finish dinner because there was a scene at the place I was at,” Rick said with a smirk. 

This is the part where you should tell him to fuck off, take Pete’s good advice and just let this thing between you both go. This was it, if you followed Rick and got hurt, you knew you had only yourself to blame. But the girl who threw caution to the wind a few years ago wouldn’t let you back down. You scooped up the pie box with your left hand while clutching the neck of the wine bottle with your right.

“I’m still pretty pissed at you,” you said standing next to Rick, taking in the colors of the portal up close. 

“Take a number sweetie,” Rick said stepping into the portal. 

You took a deep breath and moved forward into the swirling green unknown.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edit everything myself, forgive the errors. 
> 
> Your first outing with Rick is coming up. What will you get up to? 
> 
> I love your comments and kudos! Thanks for leaving me some love. <3 I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick takes you to help retrieve something that was taken from him.

 

The exit out of the portal was more abrupt than you anticipated. One second your living room was there and then you were in an alleyway between two tall buildings. Rick had run off (of course) shouting for you not to move. While you waited for the Scientist to get back from his errand you tried to take as much of it in as you could while you were standing still. The humidity clung to your skin as you raised your hand up to the sky and gazed at the two moons responsible for the white light filing the night sky. Lights from passing vehicles moved in single file lines in the air above you, resembling Earth highways during rush hour. You leaned against the wall beside you and focused on the exit of the alley just a few steps away. Several aliens of varying size, shape, and color walked by too focused on their own business to feel your eyes studying them with excitement. Exhilaration welled up in your chest and you quickly put your hand over your mouth to muffle the laughter that bubbled out of you.

Rick's belch caught your attention and you tuned to see him walking towards you munching on the last bit of the pie, “I g-gotta say, that's a better reaction than Morty had the first time I brought him off world.” 

“He freak out?”

“Kinda. He k-kept going on about anxiety and our lives being in d-dan*uuurrp*ger. Ya know, kid stuff.”

“So, what are we doing?”

“Come on.” 

Rick walked out onto the busy sidewalk and you followed. It was difficult to focus on walking when there was so much to see. You bumped into several aliens as you tried keep up with Rick. It did earn you a few weird glances from but no alarm, yet. Rick had told you once that he was the only human who could do this, go off world and see other universes. He had yet to tell you why.

At its heart, this city wasn’t so different from one on Earth. Aliens moved in and out of buildings, some stopped for food at carts that lined one side of the street, others stood in line waiting for the large pink shuttle you guessed was what passed for public transportation. One large red and gold building dwarfed the rest of the oddly shaped and multicolored skyscrapers around it. A long line came out of the door and snaked halfway down the block.

“What's in there?” you pointed at building.

“N-n-*uurp*ot important.” Rick said grabbing your outstretched hand and pulling you down another cramped alleway. 

A creature that looked like a six legged mole scurried out of your way as you went further into the alley. With every step the amount of trash steadily increased to the point where you were sidestepping a nasty pile of rubbish every second. Multi colored tarps draped over the end of the alleway with a flurry of activity happening just beyond them. Rick pulled back one of the curtains and let go of your hand. You stepped through and found yourself in a second sub-city where the polished smooth designs of storefronts were replaced with lopsided buildings made of scrap material. Rick pushed past you into the crowd moving through the street.

Here there was still plenty to see but you felt it was best to avert your gaze and focus on following Rick. In your travels you'd found that place like this could offer a lesson in extremes with the nicest people and delicious food hiding many ways you could come to harm. 

“Are you going to tell me what we're doing?”

“Nope,” Rick walked up to a building listing to its side, metal beams propping it up. One side had what appeared to be a food vendor, the other side had a green door hanging from its hinges and blacked out windows. Rick took a cautious look behind him before kicking the door four times. The door opened and a tall being covered in long red hair stepped out. It's large mouth opened to reveal several rows of human looking teeth. Beady black eyes looked at Rick before glancing at you,“wow, two bipedials! Must be my lucky day!” 

It’s enormous hand closed around your waist and pulled you inside before you could even cry out. It was poorly lit inside the structure and you couldn’t see Rick but you hoped that he was okay. The being didn’t let go, instead you felt yourself lifted higher and you could hear the painting of the creature as it sprinted through the shelter. 

“Rick! Ah - fucker! Put me down!” You yelled while hitting its tree trunk sized arms.

“I’m sorry, but *ugh* excuse me. Little lady, could you not?” the same deep voice that greeted you at the doorway echoed off the walls, its polite tone taking you by surprise. That’s when you finally saw Rick looking unfazed while taking a sip out of his flask, in the creature’s other hand. Your captor turned down a corridor and through a door and into a tunnel lit by dull red lights along the ceiling. The sound of splashing caught your ear and you looked down to see the alien walking through wastewater with a smell potent enough to make you gag. Now his refusal to put you down made sense.  _ Thank you mildly terrifying alien creature for preventing me from swimming through shit. _

“I thought you were going to hurt me,” you said.

“Well, I need to keep up appearances. I do usually eat folks like you but Rick’s my buddy so you’ve got nothing to worry about from me. Names Fitz by the way.” You could see the red lights reflect off of Fritz's teeth.

“Y/N, it's nice to meet you.”

“Well I gotta say Rick, this one's a fighter. You might make it out of this in one piece,” Fitz said.

“Okay *uurrrrp* this isn't a D-Disney movie. No need for cutesy side character background stories. Just stick to the plan,” Rick took another sip out of his flask. 

Fritz shrugged and sloshed along at a quick pace, “we're nearly there.”

Further down the tunnel you could see stairs leading out of the water. Clearly, you were going somewhere you shouldn’t be to do something you shouldn’t do. That was about all you’d been able to figure out from the cryptic conversation happening around you. You caught Rick’s eye, “what's the plan?”

“You ask a lot of questions,” Rick said. 

You made a sound of annoyance and Fritz chuckled as he ascended the stairs. He lowered you to your feet and you stepped back to avoid the filth dripping from his lower half.

“You got the other stuff?” Rick smoothed out his lab jacket as he looked up at Fritz. 

“You betcha,” Fritz effortlessly pulled a thick piece of metal away from the roof. There was a small package in the space behind the panel Fritz retrieved it and handed it to Rick who turned away from you to study the contents.

“Is this your first time on Keylon? I can show you around after you finish up with Rick,” Fritz said standing in front of you to block Rick from your view. Bathed in the light of the tunnel you could finally Fitz clearly,  tall as a basketball net and with shoulders so big he could probably rest a sofa across them. You considered spending some time alone with a gigantic creature that admitted to eating ‘things like’ you. Probably not a great idea. You started to politely decline when Rick cut you off.

“Yeeeaaaah I think we're gonna need a speedy exit, Fritz,” Rick said tucking the package away in his jacket. 

“Thanks for the lift,” you smiled up at Fritz who flashed you those terrifying human teeth again. 

“Maybe next time then. They just re-did the smorph fields!” Fritz said as he pried another piece of metal away from the wall, revealing a door behind it. After a few good tuggs the thick metal door pulled free and Fritz threw it to the side, the impact of the door shaking the ground. 

Rick held out a glass jar filled with multicolored moving lights and Fritz snatched it out of his hand, “enjoy those.They were hell to get.”

Fritz waded back into the water, “oh I will, nice to meet you Y/N.”

“Bye Fritz,” you waved at him as he walked away. 

“Don't get all warm and fuzzy. He'd be eating you right now if you weren't with me and not in the good way.”

You shuddered at the thought, “noted. Now what are we doing?”

Rick started up the steps, “being quiet and keeping our heads down.”

“Okay, we're going somewhere dangerous and you won't tell me anything. Fantastic,” you followed him because, what other choice did you have?

“J-jesus, you're worse than M-morty. They have something of mine and we're g-going to *urrp* take it back.”

“Oh,”  _ an outer space heist? _ You were nervous but couldn't stop the smile from spreading across your face, “shouldn't I have a gun or something?”

The room between the ceiling and the stairs gradually got smaller until you couldn’t go any further without hitting your head. Rick used a laser to cut a hole out of the ceiling, causing a heavy section of cement to crash fall on the steps, nearly missing you. 

“So much for stealth,” you said looking through the hole to darkness. 

“Woo*urrrrp*on't notice. they don't even know they built the building over this tunnel. Nope, fucking bureaucrats...” Rick said before pulling himself into the hole. 

You waited for him to offer help, “Hey, Rick..”

He poked his head through the hole, “what's the point in all your K-kung fu if you can't do one pull up?”

You rolled your eyes and jumped up, gripping the edge of the hole and focusing all your strength to pull yourself up. The area you climbed into was clustered with wires and pipes, your best guess was you were on the inside of a building wall. It was certainly small enough to fit the bill, there was barely enough room for you to turn around or move forward. Behind you, Rick had to crouch slightly so his head didn't hit the tangle of infrastructure above your heads. 

“This way,” Rick said.

You pressed your back against one side to let him pass. He turned to the side and shimmied into the small space you'd left for him but it still pushed you close enough so you could feel the warmth of his skin through your clothes. Well, if there was a time to get him to talk, this was it.

You grabbed his waist and looked up at him, “at least tell me if I'm going somewhere dangerous.”

“Probably, if someone finds out we're here. Which they  _ won't _ if we keep moving,” Rick leaned forward, his cheek against yours as he whispered, “and keep quiet.” 

“I'll make you regret it if I get more than a scraped knee,” you slid your leg between his moving your knee up enough so he got the point. 

Rick’s response to your threat was to chuckle and slide out of your grip. He continued on for several feet with you quietly following while trying not to trip over the tangle of pipes and wires. You spotted the exit door ahead, illuminated by a single light.

“Here we go,” Rick said before kicking the door open. The hallway you stepped into looked like it was out of a hospital, sterile and white, except for a few doors lining the hallway with silver squares beside them. You examined one of the squares to see it had writing on it that resembled more hieroglyphics than the words you were familiar with. 

“Klopno, i-it’s like the high English of the universal language. Yeah, they’re all Mr. D-darcy up in this mothe*urrp*rfucker,” Rick said walking past you. 

The hallways were empty, filled only with the sounds of both of you rushing to a destination still unknown to you. Rick pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and studied it for a second before taking a sharp right down another hallway. Another turn brought you into a hallway with a couple of creatures wearing blue vests walking towards you. One of them resembled a slug and made several low gurgling noises at you.

“Can we help you?” The stick-thin creature next to the slug asked.

“Nooo*uurrrpp*oope,” Rick grabbed your hand and you felt his pace quicken. He fished around in his jacket and leaned in to you, “don’t panic.” 

He pulled out out a leather bifold wallet and held it for the creatures behind you to see as he continued to walk, “annual inspection. No need to escort us around.”

“I'm unaware of an inspection taking place this lunar cycle,” the sick figure spoke again. 

“Why tell you about a surprise inspection?” Rick called over his shoulder as he sped down the hallway. He rushed around a corner and tugged you through the first doorway. Rick placed something on the doorknob that flared red for a second and then cooled into silver substance. 

“That should keep them out for a while,” Rick said.

From the hallway you’d been expecting to see patients lying in neatly lined white beds but what was in here made your jaw drop. A soft purple light filled the room and illuminated hundreds of glass tanks holding a cornucopia of different life forms. You walked towards a tank holding a fish with a long, colorful tail. It appeared to be sleeping and you looked at the monitor attached to the tank hoping to learn a bit more about the creature but the information was unreadable.  

“What is this place?” You put your hand on the tank, the glass warm beneath your touch.

“D-don't get attached. They're practically brain dead.”

“Jesus.”

“Listen, you-you wanna do some *urrp* universal Peace corps shit, find the guy with the blue box. I'm just trying to find the front door.” Rick was several rows away from you at this point, his voice fading as he walked further away. It took a few moments before you found him near a cluster of small orange tanks that held different colored eyeballs. They followed your movement and blinked in sync. You heard several muffled bangs and turned in the direction you’d entered from.

“Sounds like they found us.”

Rick folded up the paper and put it in his pocket, “good for them.” He set off and you followed.

You ran, weaving through the different size tanks until you hit an immense tank that blocked your way. “Stop!” Several voices yelled in different octaves behind you. You decided to go right and sprinted finally reaching the end of the immense tank. The next tank held a large squid you walked between the two tanks and finally caught sight of Rick just a few rows ahead of you. A sigh of relief had just left your lips when a whooshing noise filled the air and it suddenly felt like someone held a curling iron to your arm. You cried out in pain and collided with the squid tank sending it crashing to the ground. You scrambled to get up as you feet slipped in the slick substance that had come out of the tank.

“Guns, really?! You fuckers take shit way too seriously,” you couldn’t see Rick but by the sound of his voice he was really pissed off.

The squid’s tentacles slashed through the air and you quickly retreated to avoid getting hit. Someone grabbed you from behind, “stop! You’re…”

You pivoted to face the guard holding you and punched it’s throat before stepping back to kick their leg, sending them to the floor to be scooped up by the squid and flung across the room.

“And that,” Rick said appearing beside you, “is why I brought you along.”

Rick fired his gun at a few more of the tanks, spilling their contents, and impeding the others who were approaching. You glanced at your arm the sleeve of T-shirt was burned away and you an inch wide strip of angry red blisters on your arm. Rick must’ve sensed you were starting to panic, you felt his hand on your shoulder, “you'll be fine, let's go.”

You both ran through a few more rows and finally came to a wall. You looked in both directions and there was no exit in sight. 

“Great, now what?” you said keeping an eye out for guards. 

Rick pulled out the same thing he used to cut the door away and sliced a gigantic hole in the wall. “Push,” Rick ordered and you both put all of your weight against the wall. A thick slab of concrete fell away to reveal an outdoor space the size of several football fields holding spaceships of all shapes and sizes. Rick was already making his way down the crumbled wall when you started to follow. It was unsure footing as you scrambled down the rubble to the ground. You met Rick at the bottom, the Scientist looking visibly annoyed. With a heavy sigh he pulled something out of his pocket that had a shiny key chain attached. He pressed the button and the tell tale sound of a car alarm sounded in the distance. 

“Your ship?” you asked. 

“If they did anything to her…” Rick said taking off at a run. 

The sounds of shouting came from behind you as more shots were fired in your direction. You picked up the pace, taking cover behind vehicles when you could. Sweat was running into your eyes and you were breathing heavy, it was taking forever to get to Rick’s ship. As you were reaching your breaking point you rounded a corner and Rick let out an elated shout, “h-hello beautiful!” 

You looked up at a large spacecraft big enough to fit a house into, the sleek design was right out of a sci-fi movie. Blue lights illuminated it’s underside and you could see multiple viewing windows along the bottom of the ship. You couldn’t wait to get inside. “It is beautiful,” you said as you touched the cool metal.

“Get in!” Rick didn’t sound nearby and you looked around, confused. 

Finally you spotted Rick entering a spaceship that looked like a five year old’s drawing of what a spaceship should be. It was even more of a disaster the closer you got. “That’s your ship? Oh my god. We're going to fucking die,” you didn’t hide the sarcasm from your voice. 

“Fine, get shot again I guarantee those things aren’t on stun now,” Rick said closing the driver's side door. Another shot ricochet off the ship in front and you dove into the passenger side in just as it started lifting off the ground. You slammed the door shut and buckled in as the ship ascended into the sky, the sound of sirens following close behind. There were two police ships with lights flashing closing in and it looked like they had guns on the front. Guns that were definitely aimed at the flying trashcan you were in.

“Rick…” you said, a note of panic in your voice. 

“I know,” he said turning the wheel sharply and hitting some buttons. A second later you heard loud explosion. You turned to see a large building falling to the ground and no vehicles following you.

“Don’t think about it.” Rick said off hand as he started to sift through some of the trash in front of his seat.

The ship broke though the cloud cover and you were able to get a better look at the moons you saw partaly from the alleyway. Beyond the moons were a thousand stars and a red and purple colored nebula. It was so much more than you had thought, it was beautiful and overwhelming. 

Rick sighed, “ughhh fuc*uurrrrppp*king assholes.” 

He threw a yellow piece of paper to the side and it landed in your lap. You unfolded the crinkled piece of paper and studied it. Something about the long sheet of paper, the lines….your brain started connecting the dots. The long line out in front of the building, the parking lot filled with cars….

“Wait - is this a fucking parking ticket?!” You shook the piece of paper at Rick.

“First of all there were no signs saying I couldn’t park there….”

“Did I get shot because you didn't want to pay a fucking parking ticket?”

“Calm down,  Murtaugh, ” Rick got up from his seat. He pulled open a storage hatch and took out a plastic pouch filled with liquid. Rick shook the bag, pulled a sticker off the back of the pouch and slapped it on your arm.

“Aahh! Fuck!” You slapped his arm as a form of payback, “fucking bedside manner.  _ Fuck _ !”

“Psshh, wuss,” Rick flopped back into the drivers seat and glanced at you, “pain should be gone in a minute or two.”

The pouch on your arm glowed fluorescent blue and it suddenly felt cool against your skin. The pain did fade and you took in a few deep breaths. You held out your hand to Rick, “flask.”

“M-magic word?”

“My buzz is gone and I’m starting to get a headache.”

“Close *urrpp* enough,” Rick said taking his flask out his jacket and handing it to you, “go easy on that stuff. I had to get creative because Beth hasn’t restocked the liquor cabinet yet.”

“Beth?” Rick had spoken about a few people in his life, mostly his grandkids Morty and Summer. Sometimes his “pain-in-the-ass son-in-law” Jerry but never a Beth. 

“My daughter. Daytime TV put it in her head that she needs to do a ‘cleanse’ and it’s really cutting into my supply not to mention just making family dinners less bearable than usual.”

You took a sip and coughed, your throat feeling like it was on fire. “Oh my god. Do I want to know what’s in this?”

“Probably not,” Rick took the flask back and partook before placing it back in his jacket.

You touched the bandage on your arm and noticed the redness had faded considerably. 

“Should be good as new in fifteen minutes as so,” Rick said.

“Oh good, just in time,” you pulled the lever on the side of the seat to make it recline and looked out the top of the window at the dots of light that streaked by as you zoomed through the darkness of space.

“I-in time for what,” Rick sounded amused. 

You rolled onto your side and smiled at Rick, “for us to get to whatever bar you’re taking me to.”

He laughed out loud, not his usual sarcastic chuckle, but a genuine laugh, “well that means we’ll be  _ out late _ .”

Rick was being about as subtle as a brick to the head. That was fine with you, you’d been done playing games weeks ago, “well, if you recall, I don’t have a job to go to tomorrow. I’ll sleep in.”

“Alright,” Rick scratched his chin in thought and you rolled onto your back again. It was hard to let the reality that you were in outer space sink in, your mind tried to convince you that it was an illusion but the fading pain in your arm kept you grounded in reality. If someone had told you when you cut and run from life a few years ago that you’d end up here you’d never have believed them. Yet, here you were, and you had Rick to thank for it. Granted, it was a bit more dangerous than you thought but you still wouldn’t trade the last few hours for anything else. 

“I know the perfect place,” Rick clicked a few dials and you closed your eyes imagining where he would take you.

***

The ship’s abrupt landing startled out of your nap. 

“Here,” Rick said in a monotone. 

You sat up and looked out to see a large parking lot surrounding a large dome structure. Several neon signs glowed in the distance, suspended in space and pointing at the building. Empty beer bottles rolled out of the ship onto the pavement as you opened your door and jumped out. You met Rick by the drivers side, finding him leaning against the ship in full grump mode.

“Stop.Your excitement is too much for me to handle,” you turned and started heading towards the crowd surrounding two large frosted glass doors at the entrance of the bar. 

“They added on to this place,” Rick shook his head with a frown, falling into step beside you, “some people just can't leave a good thing *urrp* alone.”

“Oh come on,” you got close to Rick, tucking your arm under his lab coat and around his waist, your fingers parting his top from his pants so they could stroke the exposed skin of his abdomen, “I'm sure we'll still have a good time.”

His eyebrow arched as he leaned into you, putting his arm on your shoulders, “oo-oh you think so?”

“I have a good intuition about these things.”

He leaned into you,“fuck, you’re trouble.”

You didn’t respond, happy to hang on Rick while you made your way through the parking lot. Rick pulled away as you entered the crowd and waved his arms at the eight foot being that stood in front of the doors. “Hey heeeey big guy!”

It's multiple eyes rested on Rick, “shit, music man. Everyone back up.”

The crowd refused to budge and you gave Rick the side-eye, “music man?”

“These guys get all hard for off-world music. Earth isn't even a part of The Federation yet so you can imagine how moist they get for one song.”

“EVERYONE BACK OFF!!” The creature at the door bellowed and the crowd parted. Rick held his head high as he walked to the door, “yep, really important dude here. Step aside.”

The doors opened and a wave of warm air and hot music hit you. Rick grabbed your hand as you waded into the mass of dancing aliens. It felt like earlier in the day as you were walking down the sidewalk, there were too many new things to take in and it was almost overwhelming. Multi-colored lights flashed through the floor to the beat of the music. Aliens of every shape and size were clustered on the dance floor or in the many booths that lined the walls. The building itself had to be twenty stories high with multiple floating dance floors all the way up to the glass ceiling showing the starry night sky. It made you dizzy looking up and you refocused your energy on the bar ahead of you. A red octopus creature dressed in a tuxedo mixed several drinks at once, he noticed Rick and waved him through. Rick pushed two people at the bar out of his way out of the way, “yeah, ugh, excuse me. That's right. You got a problem mother fucker?”

The two aliens gave you a dirty look as they vacated their spot at the busy bar. Rick put his hand on the small of your back to nudge you forward to the bar. 

“Rick,” the voice coming out of the bartender was barely decipherable, “did you bring more music?”

Rick pulled a silver chip out of his pocket and handed it over. A tentacle grabbed it and passed it along. You didn't watch where it went, instead opting to look at the mad scientist standing next to you with a smile on your face. He noticed. 

“What?” Rick barked.

“You just  _ happened _ to have that on you?”

“Oh don't go thinking you're special. You were the one who brought up drinks - remember? We just happened to be nearby. D-don't read into it.”

You put your hands up, “not reading into anything.”

“Oh speaking of that,” Rick reached over and ripped the bandaid off your arm causing you to cry out in pain, “God, calm down. You're fine.”

The bartender put a neon blue Martini in front of you. The liquid shimmered in the glass emitting faint hues of pink as it swirled around. 

“ Velocitini ,” Rick said holding up an identical drink. You clinked glasses together and gave your first alien cocktail a try. It was creamy and had a slight sweetness followed by a bite similar to whiskey. Not bad.

“Woah, I need to ask Pete to get the stuff so I can make one of these,” you put your glass down, deciding it was probably best to go easy on a drink that contained ingredients you probably couldn't pronounce. 

“Unlikely - powdered Neutronium and Amphetetron... kind of illegal,” Rick quickly finished his drink and flagged the bartender down to order another. 

“Also the bar being destroyed and me being out of the job does kind of put a damper on that plan.” 

Rick acted like he hadn’t heard the subtle jab, taking his second drink in hand. “Sooo why the ‘have bar will travel’ lifestyle? I mean I get it and I know why  _ I _ did it. It's just different for everyone and you-you seem like you could do okay with the corporate assholes of the world.”

You took a sip of your drink to give you more time to briefly consider telling Rick the truth. But if you wanted to keep this casual, which you did, the truth was the last thing you should say. Besides, you didn't think Rick would appreciate you bringing the mood down. 

“It’s pretty boring actually. I was one of those cooperate assholes. Then I realized was trying to be someone I wasn't. Packed up and got the hell out. Been on the move since.”

Rick's expression let you know he didn't buy everything you were selling. You didn't want to give him a chance to think on it further so you put your hand on his thigh and started to give him a cheesy pick-up line for laughs but the music cut out and the DJ’s voice filled the air.

“Ay-yo everybody Rick brought us some of that fresh music from Eaartth.” The room erupted into applause. You took another sip of your drink, curious what music Rick had brought. If you had to guess from the conversations you’d had with him in the past, 80s rock or rap music. The music started and you immediately had your answer. You coughed as a laugh caused some of your drink to go down wrong. 

You leaned over to Rick and whispered, “out of all of all the music in human history you chose to give them... The Hamster Dance?”

Rick lost it, erupting into laughter, “lo-look they love it.”

They did, people rushed to the dance floor, cheering, and started moving to the beat. You laughed and shook your head, “amazing.”

“I wasn't sure if they'd go for it. It's a more uppity crowd than the last time I came here.”

You moved so you were hip to hip with Rick while you faced the dancefloor. 

Rick shifted resting his arm on the bar behind you, “you see that pink guy over there with the double tails?”

You looked through the crowd, “oh, yeah. Looks like he's doing the macarena.”

“Yeah well that's a Quilla. They hatch out of eggs that look like they're covered in gemstones. Worthless though, found that out the hard way. Wooh.”

Rick's fingers curled around your hip and he pulled you closer as he hollered to the bartender for two more drinks. 

“Okay what about... that guy over there,” you pointed at a tiny yellow squirrel-like creature standing on top of a table talking to a group.

“D-don't point it's rude. Plus that guy shoots lasers out of his eyes.”

“Uh huh, sure.”

“Okay, well, he has good enough eyesight to see you pointing at him.”

You exchanged your empty glass for a full one and listened as Rick started to talk about everything he could identity in the bar. Occasionally, he wove in some stories. It became clear that whatever Rick had on Earth couldn't hold a candle to what he got when he was out here. You understood completely. That first year on the road had changed you and you doubted you could ever go back to a ‘normal’ life. Whatever that meant.

Rick got closer and you could feel his breath on your neck. Tonight was going to be amazing, you just knew it.

***

Tonight was a shitshow. 

It had been going great, you and Rick were pressed up against each other in a corner having a better conversation than you thought you'd ever get from the cranky old man when you got approached. The female standing in front of you had teal skin, curves for days, and extra arms with hands that made you wonder if four really would be a party. She'd introduced herself as Uma, started chatting you up, and you felt Rick slip out of your hold. You didn't think anything of it until you turned to include him in the conversation and he was gone. Just fucking GONE. You'd accepted Uma’s invitation to dance mostly out of frustration but another drink had gotten put in your hand at some point and you loosened up after a few sips. 

Now, you were on the right side of drunk where you'd remember what happened but your actions at the moment were slightly out of your control. Uma’s hands were everywhere as you pressed together moving with the beat. Suddenly, there was a male there who looked like he was the same species as Uma.

She smiled at you, putting her hand on your cheek, “you're too beautiful to be left here alone. Come home with us.”

“Us?” You glanced at the guy who was wrapping one of his multiple sets of arms around Uma’s waist. 

_Oh ooh fuck this could be fun. But Rick. Rick my ride. Rick better than them._ _I like Rick._ Your brain clunked through reasoning like a toddler trying to fit the triangle in the square hole. “I-i can't the guy I came with is….he’ll be l-looking for me.”

“My jewel, he walked away from you. Left you open for just anyone to scoop up,” Uma pulled you even closer, pushing the air out of your lungs with a woosh. 

“Your colors different,” you noted wondering if it was the booze turning her skin from blue to red. 

Uma stilled for a second, her expression softening, “it's you.”

“Wa -” 

Uma pulled your hand up and licked your palm. You pulled it away to see sticky yellow saliva clinging to your skin. Not exactly normal flirting, but you could deal with it you thought as you wiped your hand on your pants.

“Let her go.” A voice shouted out from behind you.

A hand grabbed your arm, the room spun, and you were pressed into cloth that smelled like musk and whiskey. 

“Huh?” You looked up to see Rick looking furious and pointing a gun at Uma and her partner. 

“Shitty disguises by *uurp* the way. Y-you get that skin dye at H-Mart? I know what you are and what you were going to do. But since it was pretty hot to watch I’ll be generous and give you an option: get out or get shot.”

Uma started forward and Rick shot into the ground at her feet, “listen, I don't want The Federation here any more than you so do me a favor, don't make me kill you.”

Uma looked like she was going to fight but then let out a shriek and ran off the dance floor with her mate close behind. Either this was normal or the music was too loud for anyone to notice the gunshot because people just kept on dancing.

“Woah. So protective. If you wanted to dance with me you just could've asked,” you said.

You slid one finger down the front of Rick's pants and used it to pulled him closer while you started to sway to the music. 

“T-that was no*uuurrpp*oot what that was about,” he said but he started to move anyways, putting his hands on your waist. The music was intoxicating and, surprise, Rick was actually a pretty good dancer. Or at least you thought he was, you were both pressed so close together you weren't really sure what you were doing could be called dancing anyways. Rick slowly navigated you both off the dancefloor and to the row of couches on the other side of the room. You looked at the plush purple cushions and knew you were going to make your move as soon as you got there. Drunk or not, you were sick of waiting for Grandpa to take a hint. 

You gave Rick a shove when his knees hit the back of the couch and he landed on the cushions with an ‘ooph’.You crawled into his lap and looked down at him, “if you don't want this, now is the time to say no.”

“Such a fucking gentleman,” Rick said before grabbing the back of your head and crushing your lips down to his. You let out an obscene moan and settled into Rick's lap. His hands slid from your neck down your back to settle on your waist, grinding you down against him. The scent of Rick this close held something different to other than just the booze, something that reminded you of standing in the Costa Rican rainforest after a storm; the steam rising up from the ground carrying this earthy smell that just invigorated your senses. That’s how you felt now, with the beat of the music vibrating through your core. Your mouths opened and you savored the sweet aftertaste of the drinks mingling on your tongues. You were thankful he was rough and greedy. Thankful there was no romance here, just the desperate, hungry kisses of two people who'd played the game long enough. The friction building between the thin fabric of your yoga pants and the hot bulge in Rick's pants was driving you crazy. You grabbed his hands off your waist and put them on your ass. His fingers dug in and he moaned into your mouth. You'd wanted him inside you two months ago but now, now was fine - now was  _ fucking perfect _ . 

“Take me,” you begged kissing him again then pulling back, “take me somewhere.”

He kissed your jaw and then moved down to your neck, “upstairs. Rooms.”

“Yes, _ yesss _ .”

Then you saw the lights flicker and the room slanted just a bit. Rick stopped and looked up at you. His eyes went wide and he held your face, “did you fucking kiss her?”

You figured the booze must be hitting you hard because the room was starting to spin “Wha? No. She…”

You held up your hand and Rick grabbed it as the lights flickered again. Your head felt heavy. More kisses would probably help. You dipped your head down caught Rick’s lips again. But the room tilted to the side and you slid off of his lap.

“Oh shit,” Rick said.

Then everything went black.

***

_ Everything hurts. _

You turned to your side with your eyes still closed and your head screamed in protest. 

_ Everything hurts. _

You opened your eyes to see your living room bathed in the afternoon light. A cramp pulsed though your stomach and you looked beside you just in time to see a trash can to vomit in. After what seemed like forever you had nothing left in your stomach. You spat into the trash one last time and fell back on your couch wishing for death. That's when you noticed the line of bottles on your coffee table with Alice in Wonderland-esq instructions scribbled on post-it-notes.

A bottle with red liquid was the first in the row _. Drink me. _

You swallowed a mouthful of the sweet liquid and waited for it to come back up. After a few minutes you figured you were safe and chugged the bottle down, feeling better with every gulp. 

Next, a vial that had what looked like a sea sponge in it. _ Eat me. _

This was not as palatable. You wished you'd saved some of the red liquid to wash it down. 

Your cellphone had the last note.  _ Text.  _ You unlocked your phone to see at text from Rick. He'd hacked your phone and put himself in your contacts as Big R. Adorable. He’d sent you a text at 5am,  _ U dead? _

You sent a response  _ \- Still alive.  _

You flopped back down on the couch and pulled the blanket around you up to your neck. A text alert rang out. You looked down at the phone in your hand.

_ Good. Sleep. _

_ Will do.  _ You hit send and paused for a moment before firing off another text.

_ You should rest up as well. We have unfinished business. _

The soreness throughout your body made it impossible for you to keep your eyes open. But you didn't need to see Rick's response to know you were going to see him again very soon.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy heck. It finally happened. Physical contact. Needless to say that wasn't nearly enough for you.......or Rick.
> 
> ~Stay tuned~ 
> 
> I edit my own stuff so all the mistakes are my own. 
> 
> I can't thank you enough for the Kudos and comments. They really help me keep going when I'm struggling. I caught that super flu that's going around so it took me a while to get this up.
> 
> Follow my Tumblr for crazy go-nuts fandom junk and updates on my writing! http://openheart-wickedmind.tumblr.com/


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **I meant to have this posted on Valentines day but I drank two bottles of bubbly and ended up giving myself a 48 hour hangover - the downfalls of being in your 30s my dudes**
> 
> The bar is finally opened again and you're thankful to get back to work. Rick, of course, has other ideas. 
> 
> The smut is finally here friends (or at least the first part of it...)

You looked at the picture on your phone showing a sophisticated bar in Manhattan. Then you lowered your phone to look at Pete's attempt to recreate it. The surface of the new bar was polished wood that matched the legs of the padded bar stools neatly saddled up to the bar in a row. Three large mirrors lined the wall against the back of the bar encased in wooden shelves that held extra bottles of liquor and wine. The old picnic tables that had served as the booths were now gone, replaced with wooden table nooks with high backs that helped create an illusion of privacy for those sitting in them. They seemed more reminiscent of a European pub than a no-named town bar. A antique hanging lamp illuminated the crisp green surface of a brand new pool table. The lighting was soft and Bessy the jukebox was gone. 

Rick was going to hate it.

You hadn't realized how much time had passed since the hangover from hell until Pete texted you a few days ago telling you to come into work Thursday night. A glance at your last text to Rick told you it had been more time than you thought appropriate to elapse between what you considered to me an amazing make out session and your next meeting. There was always Tinder so it wasn't like you were worried about the sex but the rush of adventure, that was another story entirely. How were you going to get Rick to come by the bar now that it screamed pretentious asshole?

_ God dammit, stop. Stop right now. Remember the rule, no attachments. Remember this is temporary. It’s all temporary... _

“What are you wearing?” Pete’s question pushed you out of your thoughts. He walked towards you looking confused gesturing to your outfit.

“Your weird-ass new dress code,” you did a twirl, “black dress with combat boots.” The dress was typically a date dress and a little short for work but you didn't exactly have a Kardashian sized wardrobe to pick from. 

“Those boots… “

“They're red, I know. I'm not going to buy matching boots. Sorry not sorry,” You huffed walking behind the bar to get a better look at the setup. 

“Wah - wait. You said _ I _ told you to wear that?” Pete put both hands on the bar, his brow knitting together.

“Yeah I got a text from you this…”  _ wait. _ Pete had no idea what you were talking about and there was only one person who would give a shit how you were dressed on your first day back to work. You felt arousal hit you right where it counts and didn't bother to wipe the reaction off your face.

“Did he? Did you?” Pete paused for a second before turning away from the bar and letting out a loud noise of frustration before throwing his hands up in the air, “you know what. I don't want to know. I've said my piece as far as he's concerned. Everything that happens to you next is your responsibility.”

“What have I told you before, Pete? I'm a big girl.”

“Okay, Y/N, running this bar is your responsibility  _ big girl _ . Just remember that,” Pete walked away, taking one final glance in your direction before storming through the kitchen door. 

You looked at your face in the large mirrors behind the bar and let out more than a week's worth of sexual frustration in one breath. “It’s about fucking time.”

*

It was pretty damn slow for what was supposed to be the grand re-opening of the local townie hangout. You’d badgered Pete about marketing earlier and he said he’d “put up fliers.” Jesus, he probably also used the phonebook before he gave someone a ring on his rotary phone. You’d made a note in your phone to teach him about facebook later in the week. It was going to be a painful process. The pleasant surprise of the night came not long after people started coming in when you realized Pete’s updated cocktail menu included many of your recipes. It had been a long time since someone actually listened to your ideas, never mind taking steps to put them into effect. Thoughts of other possible cocktails filled your mind in the long pauses between orders in the sparsely populated bar. All in all the bar wouldn't be so bad once you got the word out, with the few new touches it may be possible to up the nightly turnover a bit. Hopefully you could make up the money you’d lost over your jobless hiatus to put you back on track to Europe in the summer. 

“What the fuuuck is this?”Rick walked around the bar glaring at every aspect of the new decor. He pined you with a stare, “you have something to do with this?”

“Pete asked me for some suggestions but, clearly, he ignored them all,” you walked up to Rick and poked at his stomach, “no patrons allowed behind the bar, grandpa.”

“I-I won't be here long. Gotta head out with M*uurp*orty in a bit.”

“Rick, it's 11 o’clock. Let the kid sleep. I'm sure you could find someone  _ else _ to occupy your evening,” you glanced at the few patrons inside the bar, thankful Pete was tucked away in his office. You wanted to pull Rick in the back and finish where you'd left off at the club. But you weren't entirely sure how Rick felt about making out in front of people who actually knew him. You had a strong sense that he wouldn't give a fuck but it also felt like Rick was the kind of guy who may cut and run if you did the wrong thing. And you didn't want him to go, not yet.

“Well can I get you something to drink,” you stepped closer, licking your lips. 

“Nope.”

“Okay, why are you here?”

“Oh, just needed to test something.”

“Who you talking to hon?” A grey haired man had appeared at the bar to place his order. He looked at you like you were a little crazy. A side glance at Rick revealed the Scientist giving you one of his signature shit eating grins and you felt your heart pick up it's pace.

“Nobody. No one behind the bar but me, right?” you said taking the empty glass the man had placed on the bar. 

“Yeeaaah, I’ll have another Manhattan.” the guy said, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Sure,” you looked down as you started to assemble the drink, hoping the guy couldn't see the flush of arousal start to color your cheeks. Rick was standing there, close enough to touch but remaining completely quiet. Rick's hand touched your thigh and you nearly split the half made drink on yourself while letting out a gasp of surprise. The patron cocked his head to the side.

“Wow, just caught a chill...ya know.” You tried to focus on what you were doing as Rick spread his hand wide, covering the front of your thigh and started moving it up one centimeter at a time. Rick pressed up against your back as you handed the drink over to the man who was looking at you like you needed a one way ticket to the Looney bin. 

“You sure you're okay?”

_ Go away, go the fuck away. _

Rick's hand was at the top of your thigh, one flick of a finger and he could feel the edge of your underwear if he wanted to. His erection was hot against your ass as he wrapped his other arm around your waist and pulled you closer. You could feel his breath on the side of your neck, “if you don't want this, now's the time to say no.”

A throb of desire pulsed through your body. 

“Yes yes,” you coughed to cover the lilt in your voice as you addressed both the customer and Rick at the same time, “I'm fine. Don't stop what you're doing. Go, go crazy.  _ Don't stop _ .”

“Riiiiight.” and with that, the pest was gone.

Rick chuckled against your ear, “I'll take that as a yes.”

You widened you stance so his hand could have easy access, “so you're invisible?”

His fingers slid under your underwear, tracing their way along the side, down to your ass, and then back up again. He kissed your neck and you closed your eyes and let a moan escape your lips. 

“Careful, they can't see or hear me but you're on display. But if you wanna get crazy, that’s fine with me.”

A single hot digit moved across the front your underwear, the touch frustratingly soft. The phantom touch inched down and you gripped the side of the bar as an alternative to the usual vocal performance you'd normally be giving at a time like this. You had to look down and bite your lip when Rick finally touched your pussy through your underwear.

“Jesus, I haven't even been here that long and you're already this worked up?” He whispered while he rubbed his fingers against the hot wetness your pussy had already left against the thin fabric. Your body needed release, all of your senses we're focused on what was going on between your thighs. You breath came in short gasps as you started moving your hips slightly to get more friction. 

Rick added another finger and increased the pressure, “you like that?”

“Take me somewhere,” you said to the bar top, hoping that the feeling of eyes on you was just you being paranoid. But even if the whole bar was watching you wouldn't ask Rick to stop, you couldn't let him stop. 

“Right here's just fine.”

His finger pushed aside your underwear and sunk into you as far as it could go. You covered your hand with your mouth to muffle the noise that escaped. It had been a while since you'd just hung out on second base with someone. Well, no one had ever turned invisible and fingered you in a bar but apparently Rick Sanchez’s sex game was on another fucking level which was both amazing and terrifying at the same time. 

“Can I have another?”

You looked up to see a middle-aged woman shaking an empty beer glass in your face. _ Oh for fucks sake lady can't you see I'm busy here? But no reason I can’t use this to my advantage... _

“That's so funny, that's what I was about to say,” you said.

Rick took the hint added another finger, you patted his hand that was still securely wrapped around your middle. _ Good boy.  _ Thankfully, all they wanted was a beer which was within reach. Your unsteady hands spilled some of the beer on the countertop as you handed it over before telling the pateron it was on the house. She left and you had to use all your concentration not to slump forward against the bar and moan. 

Rick’s lips were on your throat again, kissing their way up your neck, nipping at your jaw. His fingers were moving at a torturous pace. You moved your hips, riding them as best you could without making it obvious what you were doing. Sweat beaded on your forehead and you could feel moisture on your palm where it rested on top of Rick's hand. You were close, the muscles in your body tensed as your body started the steady climb to release. 

“D-do you think they can hear it when I fuck you? You’re so f-fucking wet I can hear it from here.”

You freed his other hand so you could grip the bar with two hands, unable to respond to his whispered words. He knew exactly how to move his fingers to drive you crazy and you had to admit the fact this was happening in a crowded bar was making it even more intense. He was right you could hear the sound of him pushing in and out of your wetness. It was too much, you needed more.

“Rick, turn me around,” you whispered, unashamed at the desperation in your voice. Rick wiggled his fingers one more time before pulling them out. You felt him tug your underwear down your legs and stepped out of them obediently. You don't know what he did with them but by the time you turned around they were out of sight. 

“Now, how are you going to help people like this?”

You leaned back against the bar, spreading your legs, “I think I've earned a break.”

He didn't reply. Instead his hands were back on you, rubbing up your legs, trailing remnants of your wetness in their wake. He crowded you into the bar, leaving only enough room for him to move his hands. Rick slid his fingers back into you and you pressed your face into his jacket to muffle the a moan. His other hand came around touch your clit and your hips stuttered at the added sensation. It had been too difficult to look at him when you first turned around, you were nervous at what you would read in his eyes. Now, on the edge of an orgasm you gazed up at him.

His eyes were fixed on the task, the pink tip of his tongue showing between his lips, and you couldn’t help but smile at the look of concentration on his face. At least he was taking it seriously. It made sense, Rick probably had to feel like he was the best at everything he did. He was certainly earning a gold fucking star from you tonight. You sighed, pressing your forehead into his shoulder and closing your eyes. Then the faint first wave hit you, promising the more intense orgasm to come. You fisted one hand in Rick's jacket and whispered into the fabric, “fuck, Rick, I'm gonna…”

“Lo-look f-fucking  _ look  _ at me.”

You met his eyes, he gave you one of those god damn smirks, and you tumbled over the edge, panting his name as your pussy tightened around his fingers. You bucked your hips a few times, trying to ride out the last of it. You leaned your head against his shoulder again and tried to catch your breath. His fingers slid out of you and he backed away. You stood up and looked at him,“let me take you in the back and thank you properly.”

“Hmm,” Rick brought his fingers to his lips and sucked them into his mouth. It took the last reserves of willpower not to throw him down on the ground right now and have your way with him. He knew how to press your buttons and the finger thing was too much to bear. 

His fingers left his mouth with a pop and he shrugged his shoulders, “sorry Y/N, Morty's waiting for me.” He walked past you, putting his hands in his pockets, all casual like he hadn’t just rocked your world. God damn him.

“Most guys wouldn't give without expecting to receive,” you crossed your arms, trying not to let the disappointment show in your body language.

“Y/N what are you doing?” Pete was at the other side of the bar standing next to the guy who’d been looking at you funny earlier. 

“I -uhhh,” you glanced at Rick trying to think of how to explain what the entire bar had probably witnessed.

“I'm not most guys,” Rick said. You turned to watch him go, even though you could hear Pete trying to speak to you. He opened a portal and looked back at you, “and who said I wasn't going to get mine?”

Then he was gone.

“Y/N are you okay? Some people said you were…” Pete stood next to you and you kept your head down. 

“Low blood sugar, I'll be right back.” You rushed past him to the bathroom. Once you got inside you locked yourself in the closest stall and hiked your dress up around your waist. Your hands worked quickly, bringing yourself to another orgasm as pressed your forehead into the shiny black metal of the stall wall. 

“Fuck,” you breathed out, sagging forward, thankful for the cool surface against your face. You'd blame another dose of aphrodisiac laced spit but you knew this was one hundred percent your attraction to Rick. He clearly enjoyed being in control and winding you up. Not like you were going were going to complain. 

You cleaned up and left the stall, noting that Rick had absconded with your underwear yet again. You looked at your reflection as you washed your hands. The post-orgasm glow lit up your face, it looked good on you. A smile slowly spread across your lips as you thought of Rick's last words to you. 

“Bring it, you grumpy bastard,” you said with a laugh before walking back out to face the bewildered bar patrons.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do all the editing myself all mistakes are my own.
> 
> Your comments and kudos really make my day. I can't thank you enough for all the love I've received for this. I really hope you enjoyed the smut - it's always so hard to write! I am in the middle of making a Spotify playlist for this fic but I think I'm going to wait until the fic is finished before publishing it. If you have song ideas feel free to share!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr for multiple fandom fun as well as updates on my writing http://openheart-wickedmind.tumblr.com/
> 
> Hm, Rick said he was going to get his....I wonder what he meant or more importantly - WHEN -


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